FEATURE ARTICLE

Temple Chima UbochiSaturday, June 15, 2013
ubochit@yahoo.com
Bonn, Germany

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A FATHER: THE LEADER OF EVERY HOME (2-2)


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Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance (Ruth E. Renkel)

A father is someone who is proud to see you get your first car....but secretly wishes it had no keys (Linda Poindexter)

I've had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started (Bartrand Hubbard)

The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams and aspirations he sets not only for himself, but for his family (Reed Markham)

Continued from Part 1

o every person, no matter how old or important he or she is: on this Fathers Day, remembering the sacrifice and generosity of your father, one moment everyday should be your resolve, because, you may never know what your father went through in the hands of your mother and others, just for the love of you. You may never understand what your good father endured for your sake as Reed Markham wrote that "Average fathers have patience. Good fathers have more patience. Great fathers have an ocean of patience".

Up above is our Heaven Father, God the Father of mankind, who created heaven and earth and all which are there in. But, fathers are God's representatives in every home, and they (fathers) should endeavour to resemble the heavenly God in all ways, so that their children will in turn thank and praise Him (God) for giving them a good father. For the Christians, our Lord's Prayer words are as follows:

"Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth, As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, For ever and ever.
Amen".

Down here on earth; for every person, his or her father should be his or her demigod, (a person with outstanding or godlike attributes). A father should be the god a child sees and he or she should always be grateful to him. Children's second prayer, after the Lord's Prayer, should be:

Our father, who art in our home, be blessed, and may our home be strong in your love. May your will be done in our home and lives. May God strengthen you to provide our daily bread. Do forgive us whenever we offend you. May we never learn any bad thing from you, and whenever we get into trouble, deliver us out of it, and continue to shower love on us and our mother. May we continue to respect, obey and honour you always. Amen!

To support the above points, Sue Skeen sees a father as:
God's chosen one
To lead the family
And point it to His will for life
Of love and harmony...

In the third world in particular and everywhere in general, a mother without a husband is being looked down upon, so the father is a pillar that protects the wife and children from molestation. A father is mysterious and is held in awe. A father endures pains for the sake of his children. When a child disagrees with his or her mother, the next person he or she runs to is the father; then a wise father will calm the child down, and will then make him or her to obey his or her mother's instruction. Just as Luther Vandross wrote in his song "Dance with my father again":

"When I and my mother
Would disagree
To get my way I would run
From her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
yeah yeah
Then finally make me do
Just what my mama said"

The presence of a father in the house gives a child assurance and happiness anytime of the day, and that affects his or her physical, mental and intellectual development. Terence (185-159 BC) wrote "That's the way of a Father. To teach and inspire his children to do good of their own free will rather than fear of somebody else. That's the difference between a slave's Master and a child's Father".

Any home without a father because of death or divorce or separation is missing a lot. Even if a woman remarries after her husband's death or gets a new boyfriend after separating from her husband, that will not fill the void created by the absence of the real father of those children, because, there's a limit to what a surrogate father can do for someone else's children on the one hand, and on the other, no matter what a surrogate father does for another person's children, it will never be enough, and would never "measure up" to what their biological father can do for them. There's a limit to what a child can demand from a surrogate father, and there are certain things a child wouldn't want to reveal to or ask a surrogate father for. So mothers, before you call it a quit with a father on flimsy excuses, take the interest of your children into consideration, unless death is the reason. When death is the reason for the separation, it then becomes more sorrowful, because, if divorce is the reason for the separation, a child can still be able to see his or her father on a regular basis and will not miss him so much, but, when a father is dead, a child will live with that sense of hollowness for the rest of his or her life, no matter who tries to take his or her father's place in his or her life.

Here, this writer is talking from experience: His father died in 1972 when he was under 10 and was raised by his mother and a benevolent uncle who just died and whom he buried in January this year. This uncle was so good to him, but, still at that, this writer missed his biological father greatly as there were things he couldn't say or ask for from his uncle despite the fact that the uncle was so benevolent to him and his siblings. One can talk to a father so intimately, but, when it comes to someone else, no matter who the person is, the words may then not come out, and no matter what someone else does for a child, he or she still has a feeling that his or her father could have done more for him or her. This writer, just in the words of Zitro is saying "I just realized how I missed my father since he died, missed his advice, his dreams for us, wished we could meet again in 2nd life"! And just as Michael Jordan wrote "MY Father... He was there when I didn't understand, he was there when I was wrong, he was there when I cried, he was there when I lied. For some reason my dad was always there, when I needed him the most. His love was never ending. And now that he's gone there is an emptiness in my world, but not in my heart".

Unfortunately, in this our ever changing world that is full of lies and deceits, many fathers and mothers, at home and abroad, have abdicated their traditional roles and responsibilities. Many fathers have relegated their role as the head of the home to the back burner by being so lazy and not providing for their family. These fathers have allowed their wives to be the family bread winners and that reflects values shift. Some of these fathers had the opportunity and are healthy to work, but, they chose to wait for their wives' pay slip every month, while they stay at home to engage in sordid avarice such as gambling, playing draft, cards and other stupid games with their lazy friends. Reed Markham noted it that "There are three types of fathers in the world- those who care what happens, those who don't know what is happening, and those who wonder what, if anything is happening". Some fathers avoid their home because of what they can face there; so instead of going home after work to help their wife, they branch off somewhere for the fun they can also get at home. But, let them know just, as Reed Markham wrote, that "Proactive fathers can't wait to get home after a hard day at work", and, that "Successful fatherhood involves daily drops of kindness, support, and love".

On the other hand, some mothers have forgotten what their role at home vis--vis that of a husband should be. For some of these selfish women; because some of they earn more than their husbands or because they are the sole bread winners, their husbands deserve no more respect and loyalty from them. May be, some of these men are not working due to ill-health or lack of job, and that shouldn't be a reason for a wife to maltreat or treat such a husband with ignominy. Our African wives shouldn't allow the negative aspects of the foreign culture where they live to lead them astray. We can still take the positive aspects of the foreign cultures and blend them with ours to have a better relationship. Nowadays, German to German marriages are lasting longer and are more problem free than African to African marriages. The new trend now is that the native German women are getting more homely as wives, even when some claim to be maltreated by their German husbands, than many African wives married to fellow Africans in Germany. This writer has seen and heard of quarrelsome German to German marriages which have endured and nobody calls the police each time there is quarrel. But, an African women, especially, a Nigerian, may call the police for her husband, if he asked her where she went to without telling him. Marriage loses it if the "right hand doesn't know what the left hand" is doing. Marriage should be for better or for worst, and when a man can't live up to his responsibility due to no fault of his own, the wife should fill it in, and that shouldn't be a reason to diminish the husband's respect in any way. When a wife fails in her duty, the husband should cover her up, working together for the good of the family. Love should be the root of every marriage as the Bible in 1 Peter 4:8 says "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins". Because human beings are not perfect, there's also no perfect marriage anywhere, but, the toleration of each other's weaknesses or shortcomings!

The worst that can happen to any man is to marry an avaricious wife as Andreas Capellanus wrote that "Even if the whole earth and sea were turned to gold, they could hardly satisfy the avarice of a woman... You can more easily scratch a diamond with your fingernail than you can by any human ingenuity get a woman to consent to giving any of her savings". A women who built a house in her own father's compound or somewhere else without her husband's consent or knowledge, when her husband has none at home is dangerous; a woman who has a fat bank account when her husband struggles to pay his bills or feed the family is heartless. A wife, who sends money to her own family regularly, while her husband can't live up to his financial responsibility to his own family, is wicked.

A child born or living abroad, especially in Europe, Asia, Australia or South America, needs his or her father the most, because, for the fact that other family relations are far fetched, the child has only the mother and father mostly around. Unfortunately, abroad is where many children have been divested of their father's love, because, a very selfish mother would allow the foreign culture in their place of abode to mislead her. Many African men abroad, who wanted the taste of the real African things, went home to marry and brought their wives over, hoping that by marrying from their root, they will find peace of mind, love and a wonderful family. But, on getting to Europe, Americas, Asia, Australia, as the case may be, some of those African wives allowed the bad aspects of the culture of the place they are residing to get them confused or some of these wives allowed friends to destroy their home. Instead of these wives to learn the good aspects of the foreign cultures or to keep only good friends, they went for the worst which exist, and since these women know that they have more rights in those foreign lands, "as the weaker sex", they tend to exploit the law to maltreat their husband who suffered to marry and bring them abroad. Some of these women have gone as far as getting the authorities to drive their husbands out of the houses some of those men bought even before going to Africa to marry them; some of these women have filed for divorce in order to be single moms just for the love of money and freedom to do whatever they want. For instance, go to black churches in England; majority of the women there are single moms, making one to ask where the fathers of those children are? The children of such marriages suffer the most, because, they will be missing their father's love no matter the visiting rights of the father. Two is better than one, so when the father and mother are together, the children benefit more from it, because, when the mother has no time to take the children to their respective extra curricular activities, the husband will have the time. A single mom can't bring her children to all the places they want to be almost at the same time. When the father is there, they (mother and father) can share the duty between themselves, and then no child would be short-changed in anyway. For instance, a family with three kids say two boys and a girl: when one of the boys wants to go for football training; and the other boy wants to go for music lesson; and the girl wants to go for a dancing class, how can a single mom cope with all these? But in a complete family, the father can take the boy for the music lesson and the girl for the dancing lesson to their respective destinations, while the mother takes the other boy to the football training, making life a little easier for everybody.

Since Nigerians claim to be deeply religious, but, which doesn't show in their characters, let's look at what the Bible says here. In Ephesians 5: 21-31(NIV), the Holy Book says "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

This writer must advice some of those women finding it hard to be good mothers and wives. According to Obby Byron-Onyeama Denchukwu, as recorded by Ike Ezekwu, once said:

''Beauty attracts men but wisdom keeps them.
Elegance catches men's attention but intelligence convinces them.
Nagging irritates men but 'constructive silence' weakens them.
The 'Boy" in everyman pumps out occasionally, the ability to handle this is a woman's truest maturity.
Men have secret struggles and silent pains, should you ever find them out, you have exhibited the greatest maturity.
In the long run, your 'word' matters more to a man than your looks, so invest in the right words.
Earn a man's respect and he will consider you the yardstick for all his action.
Learn to mould the moods of your man.
Men will naturally give you their futures if they can recall your maturity in yesterday's issues.......
Women are everywhere but queens are scarce.
Let the queen in you come alive and he will hold you in high esteem''.

This one came from Jasper C. Ofoma:

"Dearly beloved,
What kind of woman does God approve of and what kind of woman will enjoy the blessings of the Lord? In Proverbs 31, the bible pointed out 10 virtues of a woman that makes her outstanding before God, her husband and the world.
Many women today have become very powerful. Why? This is because many have forgotten their foundations, many are financially powerful, many are the bread winners, many are bosses of the house, champions, many skip worship, skip prayers, skip marriages, skip God, skip spirituality, skip respect, skip parents, etc
Some will ask why these women chose to do these? May be the environment, society, law in their favors, frustration from home, marriages, husband, families, lack of attention, lack of appreciation, lack of emotional support, lack of financial support, cheating, lack of intimacy, lost ambition, dislike biological features, run into controlling giants, drunks, abusive giants, Men's world, etc
My advice to you, follow what the bible pointed out, 10 virtues of a woman that makes her outstanding before God, her husband and the world.

  1. Faith - A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 - 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15
  2. Marriage - A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet (helpmate). (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)
  3. Mothering - A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)
  4. Health - A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 - 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)
  5. Service - A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)
  6. Finances - A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband's approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)
  7. Industry - A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)
  8. Homemaking - A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 - 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)
  9. Time - A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )
  10. Beauty - A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 - 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 - 6
If you are a woman, you need to pause and think and reflect on these timeless truths and examine yourself in the mirror of God's word and answer the question, "AM I A VIRTOUS WOMAN? God bless all the women and Remain in God's favor!"

To sign off: It might interest the reader to know that when a child is born and he's a boy, that's the day his trouble started in life. Then, when he matures, gets married and starts having children, then his problems have tripled. It's for a reason that almost all the women live five years longer than their male contemporaries, assuming that illness didn't come into play here. Women, by nature, are talkative, with the exception of only a few, so they (women) tend to talk their problems and stress away, and that serves as a shock absorbing mechanism for them. But, a man keeps a lid on his emotion and anger, and these will be eating, killing and challenging him (man). These, coupled with the enormous responsibilities on a man's shoulder from all sides, may make a man to live few years shorter than his female contemporaries. People say that a man who talks too much is a "woman with scrotum".

The UK Guardian of Monday 27 November 2006 wrote:

"Talkative women; silent men. The stereotypes permeate our culture. Think of the flighty wives and cranky husbands in Jane Austen. Think, too, of those Coronation Street couples - the Ogdens, the Duckworths - in which the woman is forever chattering while the man is buried in the racing form. Now the stereotypes have been given scientific substance, of a sort, by a bestselling book in the US, The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California in San Francisco. In her book, Brizendine claims that men and women are different because their brains function differently, and one of the most interesting examples she comes up with is that women talk more - 20,000 words a day compared with 7,000 for the average man - and they talk twice as fast. Brizendine's thesis is attractive. It fits in with our perception that women are more emotionally literate than men and happier to talk about their feelings; that men are more bottled up emotionally. We know it to be true. Brizendine has done us a service by explaining the neuroscience that underpins all this. Or has she? "

This writer appeals to mothers and children; this fathers Day, that the best Fathers Day gift they can give to their husband or father, as the case may be, is to avoid hurting the man any more. They should spare the husband and father further agonies and pains, wherever such are obtainable. Quarrelsome mothers should imbibe humility and develop the habit of apologizing anytime they offend their husband. Mothers, please, don't allow your husband to go to bed with the anger whenever you provoked him; don't allow his anger to see the next sunlight. The men should also develop the habit of saying "I'm so sorry" and meaning it, anytime they hurt their wives' feelings. We are human beings made of flesh and blood; we are bound to make mistakes in life, so sorry shouldn't be so hard for a man to say to his wife and children also, to make life easier for everybody.

Finally, as we thank God for our fathers this Day, let the fathers also know that we need them badly as they are our superstars, because, just as Meswani wrote "For a child, If the mother rocks the cradle, its the father who makes it, If the mother cooks your food , its the father who brings the food to your plate, If the mother wipes your tears , its the father who shows you how to fight back tears, If the mother is the light of the house then its the father who makes it glow longer. If the mother is the key to the happiness to your home, it's the father who locks in the safety around you".

Speaking from experience, this writer urges all, in the words of Man of Honor, to "Treats your parents with loving care, you will only know their value when you see their empty chair". Send your love to your father this Fathers Day and let the words of Victoria, Queen of England, guide you here "None of you can ever be proud enough of being the child of SUCH a Father who has not his equal in this world-so great, so good, so faultless. Try, all of you, to follow in his footsteps and don't be discouraged, for to be really in everything like him none of you, I am sure, will ever be. Try, therefore, to be like him in some points, and you will have acquired a great deal."

Happy Fathers Day!!!

TIT BITS

To fellow fathers: This is your Day, you have earned it, so enjoy it while showering love to your loved ones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FW4uZ0j3YQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C_crhX5Xbs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-CRS46uJhw&list=PL9CE0B82B0763F0EC

THE THANX IS ALL YOURS!!!

Continued from Part 1

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