ONYINYE'S MIRROR ON LIFE

Onyinye OyedeleFriday, March 16, 2007
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Ontario, Canada

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WOMAN TO WOMAN (PART TWO)


ne common challenge amongst women is "Time Management". We are constantly looking for that balance and structure in our daily lives, as we combine our various tasks. I think time management is an important "life skill". We need to develop a system where we can organize ourselves. We will continue to have more responsibilities in life, which actually makes it all interesting. This concluding article on "Woman to Woman" continues to celebrate the joy, and acknowledges the challenges of Motherhood. Read what more of our wonderful mums have to say:


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Trying to balance things as a mum, wife and businesswoman is quite challenging. It indeed takes prayers. You never have enough time, so you have to learn to plan your day. I wake up very early to have my daily devotions. But some days I just can't, so I have to do two things simultaneously. I can be praying and at the same time sorting things out for the kids!

I have a 5yr old son whom I need to help with his homework, and it is very important that I give him my attention. So I must find that time to spend with him. I could chat with him and chip things in while he is watching TV or during games. I look for a way to juggle things.

Ronke Fabunmi (Mrs)
Milton, Ontario Canada.

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It is a lot of work. Combining school, work and taking care of my children is quite demanding, but also very fulfilling for me. I get really overwhelmed, and I just let go by taking my eyes off some task and just relax. Taking it easy goes a long way, and I tell my self "God gives grace for everything". You can adapt and organize yourself if you are determined. Sometimes it is easier than we think! I was reading a bedtime story to my 2yr old daughter, and I was amazed at how quiet she was, and listened with rapt attention. I guess she understood the story.

With kids, you have to come down to their level and relate with them because they understand. They do have tantrums but we should discipline to correct, and not out of anger. The look and attitude of our children is a reflection of us as parents. So I have learnt to trust God for more grace which is unending and I tell myself "Labisi you can do it". After a crossed hurdle, I ask myself why I was ever worried in the first place, but I guess I am still very human that is why I worry about issues. But God makes all things beautiful in his time. I am learning to trust God more for strength and grace when everything looks overwhelming.

Bisi Soile (Mrs)
Ontario, Canada

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It is quite overwhelming. It comes like a shock. No matter the training or preparations one has, it is not enough. But above all, it is joyful to watch your child grow. You have a different experience for each stage of their life.

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As a working mum, it is quite challenging for me. You go out to work, and you still come home and continue. You have to take care of your home, your child and cook for the family. It is breath taking but I am happy. Being a Christian has helped me a lot, especially in marriage. People who don't know God might see you as a "slave" for going the extra mile to take care of your home and your husband. Some people go as far as hurting their kids or themselves because they can not handle the stress. But Christ in my life has helped me to handle the pressure.

Knowing God gives you strength, prepares you, and helps to build you up to face the daily task of being a mum and wife. I sing when I am working at home, and I remember God's promises for my life. It gives me joy to do what I have got to do. It is a joyful thing to serve my family…. it is not slavery. I have the peace of God knowing that I am doing the best for my family.

Amaka Okoye (Mrs)
Portland, Oregon U.S.A

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My first child, was indeed a miracle. I used to stare at her for a long time, thanking God. Nurturing her gave me joy. She was pleased, happy, content, and rarely cried. I always wanted to dress her up with nice clothes. I wanted to give her some fashion sense early, so I bought matching baby hats for every outfit! I wanted to dress her up for church all the time! When she grew up and started speaking my language, it was pure joy.

My second child, a boy was quite different. He refused formula at 5months and started eating eba and amala! He also breastfed till he was 13months!I had to rearrange the house, and create something to protect the sound system because he always wanted to touch everything!

Both genders are unique. My son wants to play soccer and so many other things, but the girl is just okay going to the park. She loves reading books while he would rather take a maths workbook. He is more into problem solving while she wants more knowledge. They argue quite often, so I am always resolving issues. She is more responsible with house chores. She started washing dishes at age 6, and she knows what to do in the kitchen when given an instruction. She knows what is expected of her. But my boy is different. He argues about washing the dishes. I think raising a male child needs a "hands on" approach. He also responds faster to his dad's voice.

As a working mum, it is difficult to balance things. I hold on to God as my anchor for balance. I feel guilty that I can't be there for them as often as I would love to. I don't feel comfortable leaving my kids with people, so I take them everywhere and we do things together.

It is in our nature as women to be very caring. We want to make sure that everyone is okay. We also take care of our husbands. We do over stretch ourselves sometimes. Lastly, I think in this part of the world, it is important to ensure that our children are spiritually grounded. Let them know and identify with your belief system before they are taught otherwise outside.

Toyin Olatunji (Mrs)
Ontario, Canada

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It is a good feeling. A blessing from above. I waited for a couple of years before God gave me the best gift of all…. Triplets! Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. The overwhelming joy gave me the strength to take care of them. There have been ups and downs, but I thank God for the good man that he has given me. He did a lot of things that a woman should do because we had three babies to take care of! Luckily, my children did not all cry at the same time!

My family in the United States, and friends came to help me. I was really well taken care of and I felt as if I was back home. I got so much support that when I took the babies to Nigeria, people were surprised that I was looking good. They thought I would have lost so much weight because of the demands of nurturing triplets. I even had time to record on camera their first years and they really treasure those tapes.

I had to go back to work so my husband's aunty came to stay with the kids for 2yrs. We had our daily household rituals each morning of getting the living room and the entire home "childproof", so that they won't have any home accidents. It was more like an open space gym.

I wake up each day asking God to help me. The joy of the lord is my strength. He gives me the energy to take care of my wonderful children. I thank God for good health. He has been there with me from the beginning. I remember His promise that He will not give us what we can not handle. So, I thank Him for this responsibility. There is really no perfect manual for training children. It is God that will help us. We should call out to him in tough times. We can make it with Him on our side.

Lastly, for those believing God for children, please don't give up. God is still in the miracle business, and I can humbly testify that it happened to me.

Adeola Olatoye (Mrs) (a.k.a. Mama Eta)
Ontario, Canada

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It is true that "a king is raised by his mother". In the Bible, the mother of a king was always mentioned. Mothers have played vital roles in the lives of Presidents, Governors, Pastors, distinguished Sportsmen, and so many men impacting our world today. I pray God will give us the grace to carry out our duty with joy and gladness. May He teach us how to "handle with care" the precious ones that He has given us, knowing that we are earthly custodians. Just the way he guided Mary, the mother of Jesus. May He give us the patience and divine insight to direct them towards their God given purpose.

A special thanks to all mothers who contributed in both series of this article. God bless you all.

…………Please watch out for "A Father's Heart".