Monday, May 11, 2020
Lagos, Nigeria

childhood friend of mine went to be with the Lord in July 2019.

Mary, his wife is writing her agony and joy in a book and she has been advised to include in it, in few sentences, the experience of a man who has passed through same situation as a balance. She made the request to me.

I had planned not to publish any tribute to my late wife any longer after the one I wrote in May last year (2019), titled "Five Years After. The Most Painful & Difficult Tasks I Ever Performed. Reflections!

After I have decided to meet Mary's obligation, I thought I may as well publish it, kindness of the editor "" if it could help someone.

My wife Victoria Oluranti joined the Saints triumphant on Mother's day Sunday May 11 2014 at the age of 59. Sorry to say that I am yet to get over it at the eve of the 6th year anniversary of her exit.

It was never lost on me that the chance that we would be called home same day is very remote BUT I never anticipated that she was going to exit before me. Why I thought that way, I do not know. So I was not prepared for life without her. All I advised her from time to time was "After I am gone-----"

There are two simple verses in the Bible that I did not understand the depth until after my bereavement.

First was Adam's and God's statement after the creation of our first parents in Genesis 2:23-24. Adam woke up and saw someone by his side and without anyone introducing his guest to him said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man"

Then, God's statement "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen.2. 23-24)"

"They shall be one flesh"

After Victoria exited, I felt half of me was not there any longer. I was no longer the one entity I was; I became half of myself. I became lonely. I sat in the Church or anywhere and I felt incomplete. It was like half of me was missing.

My elder brother, who was the principal partner of the two, who paid for my education, went to be with the Lord in April 1995 at age 58. I felt the pains terribly. My mother followed him in February 1999 at about 90. I got over them with time. But this one, even at 6 years, the wound remains fresh, it refuses to heal but like a sore growing worse day after day.

The other Bible verse that became relevant to my situation is Isaiah 54:4 "Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood anymore"

I cannot recollect how many times I have read that chapter of the Bible before my bereavement. In fact, for a long time, I use frequently in my prayer many of the verses of the chapter, having committed them into memory. But I have always asked "Why reproach, what shame is there as a widow when she is not the one who killed her husband?" Alas! That is how I felt since May 11 2014. Not too long after Victoria exited, I visited a widow, older than me who related to me her feeling as the death of her husband was being communicated to her. She said "I just felt ashamed" I exclaimed and told her that is exactly how I feel.

I stay in the house, particularly our TN (USA) home where she lived the last 15 years of her life and I see her everywhere; Living room, Kitchen, Bathroom, Bedroom etc. There is nothing I touch that she has not touched or arranged. How can I not miss her? How can I not be emotional?

I can no longer relate with her but she is just very much alive in my heart and mind.

No one day passes bye that I do not remember one thing or the other we did together, one place or the other we went together, jokes we cracked, our peculiar unique slangs, our days in Lagos, Kaduna, Omuaran, UK, Atlanta in the 80's to early 90's, our life in Ipee, our life in Ilorin, our life in Gizzan etc. I still remember as if it were yesterday, how I watched the steps of that young beautiful girl come to inquire about me; she was few months to complete her High School and I, few months to complete my Higher School. She came from another city. I remember our courtship as if it were yesterday. I remember how every summer for ten years she joined me at the Middle East with OreOluwa, our last baby.

She knew her way round Nashville and because of that, I did not bother to know how to drive myself to places. She had only few hours to breath her last, I had to drive to a store nearby to buy some hand towels to mop her sweat and tears filled my eyes. I soliloquized "These roads by me alone henceforth"

Life cannot be the same.

I worked away from home for many years of our marriage but we always anticipated when I would be home or when she would visit. Of course, we will meet again but no longer as husband and wife (Matt.22:30). How I wish it could be and for her to be able to explain to me what happened why she left at the time she did since everything would be clear to her by now.

In my anguish, three years after her exit, I wanted to know where she has been. I did extensive study of the Bible on "The Resurrection of the Saints" I wrote it in four episodes published per the kindness of the editor '' I concluded it with another, titled "The Resurrection of the Unrighteous" The links are below:

1. - The Resurrection of the Saints (Part 1)

2. The Resurrection of the Saints (Part 2)

3. The Resurrection of the Saints (Part 3)

4. The Resurrection of the Saints (Part 4)

5. The Resurrection of the Unrighteous

For the 5th year anniversary I wrote another one titled:

"Five Years After. The Most Painful & Difficult Tasks I Ever Performed. Reflections!"

However, there are many things I thank God for.

1. She did not suffer pain as much as many people who I have watched suffer same illness "Pancreatic-Liver malignancy" such that her coworkers could not believe it when they heard the story of her exit. For instance, except that I put my feet down, she wanted to continue working three weeks to the end of her life. She attended the Easter Sunday Worship on April 20, though I watched her in discomfort.

2. I feared very much for OreOluwa who never separated from her one day since birth. The extraordinary strength of the young lad could not have been without the hands of God. He was two months to 17 when his mother threw in the towel.

Of course, we offended each other in her life time, but I can't remember any of her offenses to me any longer. Perhaps the pain of her departure has overtaken those offenses. I hope those of you who are still together will learn to appreciate each other and try to, in sincerity outdo each other in services to each other before the day when you will part so that the remembrance of the departed will be sweet

Mrs Victoria Oluranti Aweda (nee Adebiyi)

Backing a grand
With some grandchildren