Thursday, September 24, 2020

semi illiterate Nigerian couple was blessed in the month of June 2020 with a bouncing baby boy. The parents were confused on which befitting name to give him. After remote thought, the mother came up with an idea. She said since the term 'pandemic' means something that spreads in different places at the same time, that she would like her son to travel to different countries when he grows up. Therefore the name Pandemic is very befitting and beneficial for her newly born baby boy. The father who is the G.M (gate man) in a private school was intoxicated with joy and he accepted the name. He was happy that his son will travel all over the world and bring back money in containers. He (the father) has suffered as a gate man for many years with a very small salary. He will not like his son to follow his footstep. On the day of the naming ceremony, the child was given the name Pandemic, which can be shortened as Pandy.

Opportunists utilize every situation to make quick money. Some bad boys who are school dropouts went to market and bought large quantities of liquid rat poison and then turned them into small containers and labeled each of them 'Efficacious hand sanitizer.' Then they sold them at exorbitant price. The buyers went home and used them to sanitize their palms. Some went further to sanitize their faces and wash their mouths with the poisonous sanitizer. Most of the users died instantly. It was generally speculated that they died of coronavirus. Please beware of fake hand sanitizers being marketed all over the country. The basic thing is to wash our hands well with soap and water. Some Christians wet their hands with sanitizers before receiving Holy Communion. Is the sanitizer more powerful than Holy Communion? Since Jesus Christ is present in the Sacred Specie, can't He sanctify both hand and soul? Sanctification takes precedence over sanitization. Even some face masks are dangerous to health. Some victims transit from face mask to grave mask. Reports reaching us from here and there show that death rate since the outbreak of Covid-19 is very high. Few people have died as a result of coronavirus disease while most died from coronavirus confusion. Many Nigerians are smiling to the banks from the profit they make from covid-19 confusion. They pray that the confusion continues for years so that they can enrich themselves more.

The coronavirus has enthroned the fear of virus above the fear of God. Since the closure of churches and mosques during the confusion, many adherents of Christianity and Islam have stumbled in their faith. Hence some no longer take the worship of God seriously. Some are asking: If God is all-powerful, where was He during the outbreak of the pandemic? Why did He allow the virus to drive people out of worship centers? Could you believe that someone has found a church now known as the Church of Coronavirus? He is campaigning here and there for followers. Registration fee is five thousand naira per head. His assurance is that once you become a member, you will automatically become free of coronavirus forever and ever. The General Overseer of the Church of Coronavirus will soon become the richest Man of God. He goes about sanitizing each family with his water of life at the cost of fifty thousand naira per liter. The demand is now so high.

Since the coronavirus lockdown confusion, primary, secondary and tertiary institutions have remained closed. This academic closure has caused a terminal brain disease known as the cancer of confusion. Millions of pupils and students are victims. During the school closure, some school girls have said goodbye to education by being married off illegally. Some male ones joined the men of the underworld in their nefarious activities. That's why Boko Haram terrorists, kidnappers and bandits are waxing stronger all over Nigerian soil. Often they are armed with sophisticated weapons surpassing those of the army and police. The Commander-in-chief of the Armed Forces, President Buhari recently asked: "Where do the terrorists get their weapons?" If the Commander-in-chief and the Security Chiefs cannot give us the answer, then we are in serious danger. The primary duty of any government is the protection of lives and property. Any government that cannot do so has failed. Has the present Nigerian Federal Government failed? An attractive prize awaits the best answer.

As Nigerians are fleeing from the coronavirus pandemic confusion, they stumbled into a more dangerous virus known as Hunger Virus. This new virus attacks the entire digestive system and renders it useless. The recent economic lockdown also locked the stomach which is the transformer of human biological life. Consequently, many Nigerians now suffer from starvation and sudden death. The hunger virus is still mesmerizing millions of Nigerians. The palliatives distributed here and there were not adequate. Some of the distributors of the palliatives enriched themselves and their cronies while those they were meant for were yawning beyond control. Those of them who gave up the ghost were buried in mass graves to decompose en mass.

When the dust raised by the coronavirus pandemic confusion is still thick in the air, the worst happened. The current hike in electricity tariff and fuel pump, has thrown spanners into the work. The virus of severe hardship has arisen. Hence Nigerians are wailing profusely. The hunger virus has gotten more strength to strangulate millions of people. The casket sellers and grave diggers are rejoicing. The morticians have to recruit more workers and also expand their mortuaries to accommodate more corpses. We were in harmattan when winter broke out. The prices of essential commodities and services have gone up drastically since the hike in electricity tariff and fuel. The other day I went out as usual to buy roasted corn and pears which serve as my delicious bread and butter. I nearly slumped when the seller told me that one roasted ear of corn which I used to buy at fifty naira is now two hundred naira. I shouted, "What! Are you joking?" She laughed and bombed me with this question: "Have you not heard about the increase in the price of electricity and fuel? Well, these roasted corns and pears are my own electricity and fuel. Therefore I have no apologies."

The coronavirus confusion has pushed the Buhari-led Administration to send back the National Water Resources Bill to the National Assembly for passage, which he will surely sign into Law. It will cause more confusion than coronavirus. This very Bill was rejected by the 8th National Assembly in 2015 because of the inherit danger. If passed and signed into Law, it then entails that all surface and underground waters all over the country, including the lands surrounding them, will be controlled by the Federal Government. Before you make use of the surface waters or sink borehole in your compound, you must obtain permission from Abuja. Also, as the Ruga sectional project failed, the Federal Government may possibly settle the herdsmen with those lands around the water ways as their eternal inheritance. This will surely bring about intractable conflict between the herders and the communities around those places. The present 9th National Assembly should allow peace to reign in this already troubled country by throwing away the Water Resources Bill as their predecessors did in 2015. Our Law makers should make laws that unite the country and avoid laws that can divide the country. The coronavirus confusion is already enough trouble for us to bear. Adding salt to an injury is very dangerous.