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Fr Pat Amobi ChukwumaFriday, June 26, 2015
amobipchuks@yahoo.com


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DADDY IS PREGNANT

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little girl of five years came back from school one day. She entered their sitting room and saw her father relaxing half naked; wearing only trouser and sitting comfortable on a cushion after drinking six bottles of cold beer. He dosed off and was snoring like a wild pig. His stomach protruded forward like an eight months pregnant woman. The little girl ran as fast as she could into her mother's room and greeted her sharply. She put down her school bag and was breathing fast. She shouted to her mother, "Mummy, come and see. Daddy is pregnant!" Her mother responded, "Shut up! Your daddy is a man." She (the mother) burst out laughing. The laughter put the little girl into confusion.

The little innocent girl went back to where her father was sleeping and snoring. She sat by his side and was touching his protruded stomach playfully. Eventually the father woke up. He saw her little daughter sitting by his side. He lovingly grasped her by his chest. The little girl touching his protruded belly innocently asked him, "Daddy, when will you give birth to a baby like mummy did?" The father pushed her away from his side and scolded her, "Foolish girl, get away from me. Are you mad?" The innocent girl started crying. She went back to her mother and narrated what transpired between her and her dad. She tearfully said, "Mummy, daddy scolded me and pushed me away because I asked him when he would give birth to a baby as you did." The mother speedily ran to her pregnant husband and made mockery of him. She continued laughing at him for over two hours. The "pregnant" man was dumb-founded. He was wondering how the thought of a man like him being pregnant came into her little daughter's mind. He got up and went outside. He urinated for over thirty minutes as he was soliloquizing. Touching his protruded belly with his two hands, he sighed and asked himself thrice, "Pregnancy? Pregnancy? Pregnancy? What a nonsensical nonsense?" He released three shots into the air from behind and sighed.

My dear, can a man become pregnant? A certain man with big stomach (afo-beer) came to the hospital to see his wife who was about to be delivered of a baby. His big belly attracted the nurses on duty. One of the nurses approached him and asked him. "Sir, are you in labour? I hereby admit you in the labour room immediately." The man frowned at him and said, "Idiot, go and admit your father first! What kind of insult is this? Do you know who I am?" The nurse replied, "Who do you think you are? You are big for nothing." The big belly man was breathing as if he was on the point of death. He stepped forward to slap the nurse for insulting him. Unfortunately, his weight weighed down on him and he slumped like a log of wood. He was then put in a stretcher and carried into the emergency theatre for immediate Caesarean operation to remove the useless contents of his big belly, which were fattened fats.

The cunning tortoise in those olden days discovered that his mother's health was deteriorating to the point of no return. The economy was biting hard then. Because of the huge financial demand involved in the burial and funeral of his ailing mother, if she eventually dies, which was certain, the tortoise packed his few possessions and left for a long and distant journey. Before his departure, he instructed his relations to do the usual things if any usual event happens. They should not worry looking for him. But if the unusual thing happens, they should not hesitate in seeking for him. His relations being cunning themselves, since they all descended from the cunning generation, agreed to his instructions. Two days after the tortoise left, his ailing mother died. They vowed that the tortoise must never evade his responsibility. They sent messengers after him to inform him that a man among his relations was pregnant. The tortoise spat three times and shouted, "What an abomination! I must see this myself." He hurried home with them. When he reached home, they told him to go and bury his dead mother. The tortoise with sad face asked them, "But where is the pregnant man?" They all laughed at him.

God commanded man at creation to increase, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it (Gen. 1:28). Science and Technology are approaching the climax point. If not the mystery of death, man would have overthrown God. The natural and unnatural cosmic activities are now possible by human agency. God ordained marriage for a man and a woman when he said, "It is not good that man will stay alone. I shall give him a helpmate"(Gen. 2:18). When Adam saw his helpmate, he exclaimed, "At last this is the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh. For this reason, he called him woman, which means 'taken from man'" (Gen. 2:23). Through sexual intercourse between the man and his wife, they begot children. Naturally God prepared the womb of a woman for pregnancy. She has a womb, which is a comfortable apartment for the foetus until birth. I really enjoyed the nine months stay in my mother's womb. If I were given the opportunity, I would have enjoyed my mother's lovely and comfortable womb for two years before coming out to this miserable world. However, when the nine months expired, nature forced me out of my mother's womb without my consent. Consequently I sighed and cried heavily at the birth-stool. Observing my heavy cry at birth, my parents gave me the name "Amaobichukwu," abbreviated "Amobi," which means "Who knows God's mind?"

All said and done, it is a taboo to say that a man is pregnant. Pregnancy is the prerogative of women. God made it so. Those who are propagating Gay marriage are going contrary to the mind of God. How can a man marry a fellow man, of the same sex? If artificially or miraculously a man gets pregnant, how can he give birth since he lacks the birth canal? Perhaps it can be through the caesarean section. Since a man has no womb, can a womb be implanted in him? Possibly a woman will donate the womb. What of the milk-breast to feed the baby? One can answer that a hormone will be injected into the man's tiny breast to enlarge it and make it produce milk. If men have decided to carry pregnancy, I am not part of it. Gay marriage is abominable. Woman marrying a woman is also a taboo. Homosexuality and Lesbianism are unnatural evils. Even animals cannot contemplate such, not to talk of man created in the image and likeness of God; endowed with rationality and other potentialities.

The Western World is wooing Nigeria to accept Gay marriage. Thanks to the 7th Nigerian National Assembly who unanimously passed a bill against it. My gratitude also goes to the past Nigerian President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, who signed the Anti-Gay Marriage Bill into Law. For this reason, the Western World is not happy with Nigeria. That's why they worked against President Jonathan's re-election. In the heat of the kidnap of the Chibok girls, the American Army was invited to come to our aid. Indeed some of their soldiers came but they disappeared like smoke without accomplishing their mission. They also refused to sell ammunition to us to fight Boko Haram to a finish. Probably the refusal was because Nigerians are against Gay marriage. The incumbent President Muhammadu Buhari should be cautious in his dealings with the Western World and their allies, who have Gay marriage rings in their bags. His invitation to the G-7 meeting in Germany recently may be a ploy to entangle him. Also the Amnesty International extra-judicial allegation against Nigerian Army may be giving a dog a bad name in order to hang it. If a man asks a woman for sex and she refuses, the man can raise any false allegations against her to hang her. The Nigerian Army has sacrificed a lot, even their lives in repelling the Boko Haram insurgency that has claimed the lives of thousands of innocent Nigerians. We should encourage them and not to demoralize them with unconfirmed allegations. What did the Amnesty International say when the Boko Haram terrorists were bombing and shooting innocent people like fowls? I am by no means encouraging any extra judicial killing, if it did take place. The Anti-Gay Marriage Law has come to stay. It must not be repelled. We do not want our daddies to be pregnant. Only mummies are created by God to be pregnant. For Daddy to be pregnant is contrary to nature and against the Creator's mind.

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