friend in need is a friend in deed. The priests of Ekwulobia Diocese held Liturgical Seminar few days ago. The world has been reduced to a global village by science and technology. The first paper titled "Challenging Neo-Paganism through a Liturgy Truly Christian and Truly Igbo" was rendered through Zoom by Reverend Father Doctor Nikolas Okwudili Abazie. He sat in his study room in Austria and addressed us audibly over here at the underground hall of St Joseph's Cathedral Church Ekwulobia as if he were in front of us. After his touching marathon academic and spiritual rendition, I attempted to offer him a special handshake, but I ended up in hitting my hand against the screen. I wish science and technology could also make bilocation possible.

I wish God would utilize the heavenly Zoom to show us the departed souls in heaven, so that we can interact with them and shed tears of joy? For God, nothing is impossible. On the other hand, I would not like to see the souls languishing in hell in order to avoid shedding tears of sorrow. Tears of joy and tears of sorrow have different textures. The former are light while the latter are thick. The tears of joy taste sweet while the tears of sorrow are bitter. A simple tongue empirical experiment will convince you.

The second mind-cracking paper was presented by Reverend Father Professor Chika JB Gabriel Okpalike with the title "The Ichuaja Ritual in Igbo Traditional Religion." His presentation was very interesting. He is truly a deep rooted and wise scholar. His brain is older than his age. As he was speaking, I was admiring his long black and white beards which were moving simultaneously with his lips as he was talking from experience. This reminded me of a homily scenario in a particular local parish church by a priest with long beard. As he was preaching, a certain elderly woman sitting in the front pew was shedding tears. The preacher thought that his homily touched the woman in her innermost heart. After the Mass, the priest approached the crying woman outside and asked her why she was shedding tears when he was preaching in the church. The elderly woman with scars of dried tears on her face told the long bearded priest that she was not crying because of his preaching; rather his long beard reminded her of her stolen giant he-goat. The priest laughed and asserted, "Woman, you are not serious. Your mind was centered on material thing instead of internalizing the Word of God." The woman gazed at the priest's long beard and started crying again. The rest of the story shall be told on another day.

When Father Chika Okpalike finished his mind-boggling paper, he was bombarded with many interesting questions by the priests' participants. Some of us listeners also added our contributions on the traditional cum liturgical praxis. It was a real academic food for thought. Few questions asked by inquisitive minds were also directed to Father Abazie who was technologically present on air. He answered them creditably. Well done Fathers Abazie and Okpalike! Both of you have provoked our thoughts positively.

After feeding our inquisitive minds, our bodies started craving for food and drinks in order to restore our lost energy as a result of the sapping seminar lectures. There were local and foreign dishes. We ate and drank to our satisfaction. Then it was time to go home to practice what we learned and to digest what we ate. Learning is a continual process till we obtain the last eternal degree which is R.I.P. For the elect it means 'Rest in Peace.' But for the damned it means 'Rest in Pieces.' Which one would you or I obtain when the final bell rings?

Now let me hit the hammer on the nail. After keeping my mind and body in the state of equilibrium, I started climbing the exit steps like a balancer. Immediately I stepped out of the underground seminar hall, behold a certain comic businessman displayed some quantities of Roman collar shirts and pairs of qualitative trousers for sale. Instantly I remembered that the pairs of trousers I have are all torn and worn out. In order not to embarrass the diocese at my demise, I needed to purchase about two of the new trousers. Unfortunately I had no money with me. There and behold, God provided. I saw a young charismatic priest from my town in front of me. I teased him in these words: "Father Emeka, bia kpue m akwa na ndu" (Father Emeka, come and clothe me while I am still alive). My words caught him automatically like a spell. He asked me to make my choice. I chose one and expressed my gratitude. He asked me to make it three. I told him that one or two is enough. He insisted on three. I chose the three and he paid for them. It was a real surprise to me. I came empty handed, but went home well loaded. With tears of joy I told Father Emeka that he has paid me condolence visit while I am still alive. Therefore he should not border coming again at my demise.

When I entered into my car with the three pairs of trousers, I admired them like a man who married a good wife. Tears of joy started raining from my eyes. Happiness drew the joyful tears out from nowhere. I called a priest friend standing nearby and told him what Father Emeka surprisingly did for me. I was moved to shed heavy joyful tears again.

Keeping the Commandments of God is not the only prerequisite in gaining eternal life in heaven. Making others to shed tears of joy when they are still alive is the second prerequisite. The biblical Rich Man did not make heaven not because he failed to keep the Divine Commandments; but because he failed to make the poor Lazarus shed tears of joy by giving him something to eat. Doing corporal and spiritual works of mercy are sine qua non for eternal salvation. This popular hymn says it all: "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers; that you do unto me. When I was hungry, you gave me to eat! When I was thirsty, you gave me to drink! When I was naked you clothed me! Now enter into the Home of my Father!" We should feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and the imprisoned, (confer Mtt. 25:31- 46). Also we ought to shelter the homeless. It is funny to see some individuals renovating or building new houses for the corpse of their beloved ones just to lie in state before burial. But when the dead person was alive, he or she was living under leaking or dilapidated house. He might have died of hunger. During his burial and funeral, food and drinks are provided in excess. He might have suffered from loneliness, but during his funeral activities all members of his nuclear and extended families are present for days. There might not be fund to take him to hospital when he was sick, but at his demise his remains are taken to the mortuary for preservation which costs a lot of money. Many of our people are found guilty of medicine after death. Let us avoid causing others to shed tears of sorrow; rather may we move them in shedding tears of joy. Happiness is the most effective medication.