Fr Pat Amobi ChukwumaMonday, May 26, 2014




no nonsense woman was having a sumptuous supper with her lawful wedded husband in the nearby compound on a certain dreadful night. As the woman was about to take her own share of the chicken in the stew, her husband polluted the air, which sounded like one of the bombs that killed innocent Nigerians at Nyanya near Abuja. The sound did not only shake the dining table, it had also a deadly, nasty, and poisonous odour. The woman, vomiting the contents of her stomach, barked like a dog at her man, shouting "What a nonsensical nonsense!" Furiously, she hurriedly carried the stew plate and its contents and poured them all on her husband's face. The man, suffering humiliation before their children, reacted angrily, shouting "What a barbaric nonsense!" A fight ensued between the couple. Out of their four children, three joined their mother to beat their father. One stood behind his father beating his mother. The neighbours rushed in to separate the human inferno. The landlord interjected, "What an arable nonsense is going on here?" Nonsensical nonsense, barbaric nonsense and arable nonsense jammed one another.

Some time ago, I visited my priest-friend in the Presbytery. It happened that another priest visitor was around. In the evening we prayed, chatted, ate and drank together. After long friendly discussion, it was time to surrender into the hands of sleep. The Presbytery was not enough to occupy one room each as visitors. Therefore I and the other priest visitor shared a room with two beds. Before I could close my eyes, my room-mate priest has started snoring like a wounded elephant. The sound was too disturbing that sleep eluded me. It was so loud that the dogs outside started barking continuously. When the security man heard the snoring and the barking of the dogs, he thought that the Boko Haram terrorists were coming with siren for an attack. Consequently, he took cover and released two shots into the air. The snoring increased volume by volume that the house started shaking. I was restless. I took my pillow to the parlour and lay down in peace on a rug. But before I could close my eyes, wild mosquitoes came with their wicked ancestors to attack me. I was restless again. I became confused. Which one should I choose: snoring or mosquitoes? What a nonsensical nonsense!

Just last week, the residents of Nekede and Owerri in Imo State closed shops and took to their heels for dear life. Okada and Keke-Napep drivers abandoned their motor-cycles and tricycles and climbed trees. Even patients in hospitals ran for safety. What was amiss? There was a rumour that a hungry lion escaped from the Nekede zoo. If such a hungry lion meets any human being on the way, such a person would be torn and eaten entirely by the lion. I wonder if the person will have any hope of resurrection on the last day. The police swung into action with their armoured vehicles to deal with the hungry lion. But at last it was a false alarm. Fortunately, the alarmist was caught and detained in the police cell for causing unnecessary tension in the town. What a nonsensical nonsense!

How I wish the lions in all the zoos in Nigeria should be released into the dreadful Sambisa forest in Borno State to consume the Boko Haram terrorists camping there. I am also planning to fast forty days and forty nights in order to be equipped with divine power which will enable me to exercise a special ministry to demystify the evil forest. If God goes with me there, all the trees in that forest will catch fire and roast the terrorists. What a nonsensical nonsense that insurgents should hold all Nigerians at ransom!

Violence is not the monopoly of anyone. How can senseless and faceless insurgents bomb and shoot innocent Nigerians going about their normal business? What a nonsensical nonsense! We are no more in the state of Nature where might is power. In fact, we are morally bound to defend ourselves by all reasonable means when attacked unjustly. This Nation called Nigeria is not the property of anyone or group. As Nigerians we have the right to reside in any part of the country. If we no longer want to stay together as a Nation, we should part ways in peace instead of living in pieces. Nigeria is also a multi-religious Nation. No religion should be enforced on others. It is live and let live. It is not live and let die. The current National Conference should come out with practicable solutions. How can we Nigerians be looking defenceless and be slaughtered like chicken? Is it a crime to be a Nigerian? The Amalgamation theory posits that Nigeria expires after hundred years. That 100 years are over. If Nigeria has really expired, then we should go back to the drawing board to decide how we should live as a Nation or Confederating States.

President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has sworn to deal with the stubborn Boko Haram insurgents roasting and abducting innocent Nigerians. He has vowed that this nonsensical nonsense must stop. We, Nigerians as a whole, should join our president to conquer the senseless terrorists. All Christians and Muslims should invoke God to free Nigerians from this nonsensical nonsense. The Chibok innocent girls have seen hell in the hands of their abductors. May the All Powerful God free them as He freed the Israelites from the hands of Pharaoh in Egypt. May He send his Angels to open the cell where those girls are locked as he freed the Apostles from prison. The families of the girls have been in agony over their children who went to school and have not returned over one month now. Please God wipe away the tears of your children in Nigeria being dehumanized by barbarians.

The International communities have united to deal with this monster called Boko Haram. America, Britain, France and other Nations have sent troops and logistics to deal with the senseless insurgents. Archangel Michael has flown from Heaven to Nigeria to drive the terrorists into hell where they belong. It is a spiritual and physical war. Our abducted girls must come back safely. The Angels of God with Archangel Michael will be fighting from above while Nigerians and the International Community will be fighting from below. Satan and the insurgents must surrender. The sponsors and god-fathers of the Boko Haram insurgents must be brought to light and dealt with. The Fulani cattle rearers must also be tamed. Why should Nigerians not drink and hang up their cups in peace? How can we continue to sleep with eye open? How can we be looking aimlessly while innocent citizens of Nigeria are slaughtered like fowls on daily basis? What a nonsensical nonsense!

In fact, I am still serious with my plans to migrate to the newly founded planet called 'Kepler-186f'. I have packed my belongings waiting for my visa. My flight has been booked. I shall be praying for Nigerians from there. I shall also be writing from there. When the nonsensical nonsense known as Boko Haram is arrested, I may consider coming back. If not, we shall meet again in Heaven.