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[email protected] Political Scientist USA

ANNOUNCE THIS ARTICLE TO YOUR FRIENDS

IT'S BETTER THAN SEX

is jokes filled the conference hall and admittedly, they were pretty funny. Everyone braced for intense laughter as he began his speech with a flurry of jokes and wise cracks, a feat unexpected of man of his esteemed caliber. He declared, smiling broadly and exposing the gap in his teeth, "A great philosopher once said that one cannot step in a river twice because it is a flowing phenomenon. Every time you step into a river, you step into a different river. The Nigeria you left behind is like a flowing river, it's not the same anymore. Every time you step into Nigeria, it's a different country. It is changing for the better. In Nigeria, democracy has transformed everything" he said as he reached for a bottle of water that was placed on a small table by the podium. After taking a generous sip that seemed to satisfy his immediate thirst, he continued, "Democracy is the palm-wine with which we digest our food in Nigeria. Everyone has learned how to be democratic; everyone is beginning to know that Nigeria is a nation of laws and a society that is built on the rule of law."

Many in the hall nodded their heads in congruence, but those of us who know our country knew that he was pandering to the whites and non-Nigerians in the hall which included the mayor of the city and several high-ranking city and state officials, all, invited guests of the Association of Nigerians and Friends (ANAF) in New York on the occasion of the 44th independence anniversary celebrations. He continued his speech to the more than five hundred Nigerians and friends looking on and listening intently. "Nigeria has come a long way since the days of Abacha, my friends. The courts are there for citizens who feel aggrieved. The police are effective as ever before in arresting crime in the country. In fact, the security situation has improved drastically since democracy was re-introduced in 1999. The newspapers in the West will not tell you this because they want you to believe that Nigeria and the rest of Africa are unsafe. But the fact of the matter is we are a safe country. Cases of armed robbery have declined because of the measures put in place by the security outfits. I encourage each one of you to come back and invest in Nigeria. Those of you who are not Nigerians should feel safe in coming to the country to explore business opportunities."

Nigerians in the audience wondered which Nigeria he was referring to. Is it the Nigeria we know or has Switzerland suddenly decided to change its name to Nigeria and he is referring to the former Switzerland now known as Nigeria? Is that the same Nigeria (the one in West Africa, next to Cameroon and the Benin Republic) where the assassination of the Bola Ige, the Attorney-General, is still unresolved? Is that the same country where the murderers of Dr. Marshall Harry, the Kalabari statesman, are still at large and free to commit more murders? Is that the same country where three former heads of states boldly ignored the summons of the Oputa panel with no repercussions attending their way? Is that the same Nigeria where senators and members of the House, our lawmakers, are breaking laws by slapping one another? Is it same Nigeria where armed robbers have taken to the roads, harassing and killing innocent citizens with no police in sight?

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"Nigeria, my friends, is our country. We cannot continue to ignore it", he continued in his unrealistic path, scoping the large expanse of the conference hall with his thick and broad eye glasses, broad enough to serve as a windshield of a car. "If you stay away, no one will develop it for you. All of you Nigerians in this audience today are benefiting from the sweat of the Whiteman. Think about it, if the Whiteman had deserted his country, will you find the US so comforting? Will you be here? The answer is no. So why not return to your country and prepare it for your children and their children?"

Good point, Mr. Keynote speaker. But which roads shall we drive on in Nigeria as we return to develop it? Which hospital shall we take our children to when they fall sick? At which school shall we educate our children while we are developing the country? Who will protect us from armed robbers while we rest at night preparing to develop the country the next morning? If we decide to run for office to improve the country, who shall protect us from hired killers and the enemies of progress? And for those who do not have the capital to start small businesses, where shall we get the soft loan when government officials have embezzled all the funds?

Thus, after forty-five minutes or so on the podium, after he had the audience eating from the palm of his hands with his rosary and flowery words about a country that did not fit the painted portrait, the conclusion came much to the relief of those of us who knew the distortion in his presentation. "As I conclude, my friends, I must tell you that democracy is sweet. In fact, I dare say that it's better than sex" (a prolonged and uncontrollable laughter from the audience). "Trust me on this" (more laughter). "My friends, you must come and taste democracy for yourself. Come and participate and make Nigeria a great place for all. As some of you have noticed, the government of President Obasanjo is attracting Nigerian experts in the West to return home. This is a very serious endeavor and I urge each one of you here to see me for more details or consult the Nigerian Embassy in Washington DC or the Consulate in Atlanta. God bless you all and God bless our great nation."

Did he say "Democracy is better than sex?" That is assuming that everyone in the audience has had that romantic experience to be able to truly appreciate democracy in Nigeria. But those who have not experienced that romantic endeavor must wait to experience it first before they can know how sweet democracy is. In fact, the irony of this seasoned public servant cannot be anymore relevant to the political reality on the ground. Sex, not democracy, is the commodity of choice for most of our lawmakers. The prostitutes who pander to our senators and representatives, quite regrettably, are not offering democracy, but sex. The senators and representatives who sneak in their girlfriends and mistresses into their offices in the midst of deliberations are not satisfying their hunger for democracy, but rather, their appetite for sex. So it seems from all indications that sex is still the prevailing commodity in Abuja, not democracy. So how can it be better than sex when all available evidence suggest the contrary?

So we must know that when a Nigerian politician says that democracy is better than sex, there is an underlining reason for that bold declaration. It means in this very context, that he has a very good life in Nigeria and he is not perturbed by the factors facing the average Nigerian. It means that he can travel with his diplomatic passport without fear of harassment. It means that he goes from an air-conditioned house to an air-conditioned car to an air-conditioned office and back again to an air-conditioned house. It means that he has police escort and does not experience the insecurity experienced by the generality of Nigerians. It means that he has access to the people's money and can travel to New York, London, Paris, Berlin, etc, at will. It means that when he is ill, he would be flown to a hospital in the West and can afford to pay his bill in dollars. When a Nigerian politician says that democracy is better than sex, it simply means that he is truly enjoying the dividends of democracy, a privilege only extended to those who reside in the corridors of power. Only when one achieves this height can democracy be better than sex.