FEATURE ARTICLE

Tuesday, August 2, 2022
projanefran@yahoo.com

LAUGH IT OFF - IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND

rat ate the professor's signature inside the textbook I bought two days before the strike. My problem is that his signature was the only evidence to enable me to earn more marks. What can I do because I've not submitted my project to the professor?

I saw our HOD last Sunday at the service moving round with the offertory basket. Out of fear, I dropped the money my uncle asked me to give a friend in the box. I don't know how to explain to the pastor that my offering was triggered by fear. I'm afraid my uncle may ask me to leave his house and return to the village.

Can you believe our Disciplinary Master is now in charge of the village masquerade? When I got closer to him to greet him, he waved goodbye to me as if he had no hope of resuming work.

Our Economics teacher at the university just applied the formula change in calculating the GDP growth in Educational development. Now, I met him at Garki park loading vehicles. Who can explain this concept of change to me? I'm still confused.

Did you recognize the voice of the lady who led in the praise songs yesterday? She's our music teacher. She took all the musical instruments in our school studio and donated them to her pastor because the government had not paid her salary for the past six months. Now, everyone sees her as a generous donor. I wonder what will happen if the government discovers this?

I saw our school gateman sweeping the market. When I questioned the cause, I learnt that the broom was a gift by our present leaders in 2015. Since he observed the effect of the change promised to him, he decided to join the Labour party to learn the technique of a stingy man. Will you blame him?

My history professor at the university has now joined the Vocational training school to become a pastor. A friend told me the professor got his calling to become a pastor to save himself from depression. With his experience as a historian, no doubt that he would break a record in no distant time. Keep your ears open.

The pastor in charge of one Pentecostal church in my village went into hiding for the past three days. According to an eyewitness, the pastor conducted a deliverance prayer program. He called a young man out from his standing position to move forward. He told him that he had a brighter future, but he needed a David that would defeat the Goliath standing on his way to progress. When the pastor touched the man on his forehead and said, "receive the anointing", the man slumped and couldn't get up. The pastor disappeared after he noticed something abnormal and quietly dropped his microphone and escaped. Some hours later, the man made a gentle turn and opened his eyes. He confessed that he had not eaten for the past two days. Please, stop deliverance at this critical moment! People need food, and the economy is very hard.

As things have moved out of shape in our nation, some generous givers have resigned from sowing seeds of prosperity. A man of God noticed a drastic change in the usual pledge and donations at the end of every prayer session, and he decided to join the youths to learn TikTok for a plan B project. As I'm writing, the major problem is that the man of God has an analogue brain instead of a digital brain for easy access, thus making his learning process difficult. My friend who he went to left him in anger.

My friend went to buy some fuel to put in his car. After filling his fuel tank, the man discovered that the gallon of fuel he bought from the black market was water instead of fuel. The man is helpless because there is no network on his phone to reach out to his mechanic for assistance.

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