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onyigirl@hotmail.com Ontario, Canada

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HOME SWEET HOME

When leaving the shores of your home country, for those of us in the Diaspora, you left behind a place where you had grown up and had most of your best memories. It was one of the biggest steps of your life, taking a step into the "unknown" or rather into a misconception about life in a foreign land.

Economic, educational and political reasons are some of the underlining factors of migration, amongst many others. Looking for a better life (The golden Fleece), so that one day on their return to home sweet home they will be better members of society, contributing and making a difference. Well, some people achieve this dream, some are still pursuing different avenues to make this dream happen and sadly for some, it may not happen. The most underlying factor is that in our subconscious minds, we are aware of the chilling fact that "we do not belong here". We all know that there is no place like home and there is a drive to fit and conform to the new cultural, social and political environment, but how long can you last if you eventually fit in?

There is an invisible barrier, which seems to follow you at your work place, social circle and the community at large. You feel limited, and your accomplishments are slower compared to your counterparts back home. There is a small voice that reminds you each day to "stay connected to your roots". I believe that you can make a difference wherever you find yourself in life, but I also understand that I can not change a cultural, economic and social system that is not designed for me.

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Sometimes I wonder and I am sure many of you do, "what memories will our children have?", " Will they grow up to appreciate our culture?" What will the educational system here offer them in terms of moral values?". How safe are my children? Back home, you know your neighbours very well and you are sure that "baba Tosin" will not kill your child after years of smiling at him/her from his window. You are sure that there will be no shooting spree in school. You rarely have cases of teenage gangs bullying and killing their peers. Each parent has a huge responsibility to ensure that life in the Diaspora has a positive effect on his or her children.

Living in a foreign country is a huge step and it is unique to all ethnic groups. Most of us have become captives of economic and educational pursuit. We all pray each day that our home will be better than how we left it. We all keep asking ourselves " when will things get better?" when will I summon the courage to go back home?" I know that is where I belong, but I am on this journey in "Oyinbo" land for a while.

Most people back home have a misconception about life in Europe and in North America. They believe that as soon as you leave the shores of your country, your life will be better. There is an inherent notion that the streets of London and America are paved with gold and money grows on some trees. People back home need to hear some testimonies of survival from Africans in Diaspora. Back home you are a first class citizen but over here you are not.

My fondest memories of growing up in Nigeria are the wonderful moments as a child in my hometown (Obunku, Ndoki: In Abia state). We were living in Port Harcourt in the 80's, which was just an hour's drive from the village, so every weekend my mum took us to the village after church and we never missed Christmas and New Year celebrations. The thrill of going to the stream, going from house to house eating freshly prepared okazi soup at one uncle or aunt's home and just enjoying the company of my cousins. I enjoyed the family time we had and it was a very good bonding time for us. My husband teases me on my village memories because, I remember them so well and scarcely talk about wonderful memories in England. He acknowledges the fact that I have a strong emotional connection to my roots and often makes fun of me that I should probably not have left the shores of Nigeria………and that's how I got the pet name Village Girl.

Some of my best moments growing up were also the years I spent in boarding house during my secondary school days at FGGC, Abuloma, Port Harcourt. Boarding school was a life changing experience and the friends I had there will always be in my heart. I also spent some time studying at the Federal University of Tech Owerri. The community life on Campus was very refreshing. We had Christian fellowships, common rooms for relaxation, bukas (food joints) and there were so many activities going on campus. I thought it would be the same atmosphere when I got to England but I was in for a rude awakening. I had to fill up my emotional vacuum by keeping in touch with friends back home and reading letters from my family over and over again. I believe strongly that whatever I am and wherever I am today in life, is directly connected to the positive influences from my friends and family.

Some of us in the Diaspora also fill up that emotional void by looking for a family like an ethnic church, a place where someone knows your name and you can at least meet people from your ethnicity. However, one should not expect the level of relationship you had back home because, the western way of life keeps everyone so busy working that keeping in touch becomes limited to phone calls. Old boys and girls associations, village meetings (Kparakpo) and reunions are also some places where those in the Diaspora get some emotional top ups from time to time.

One aspect of life abroad, which I can not fully adjust to, is the food. No amount of burger and fries, tasteless chicken and spinach can satisfy the hunger for well-prepared amala and ewedu soup. I look forward to visiting one of my famous mama put joints back home in Lagos, Mile two Jakande estate, called "Belgium". I miss my native delicacies such as Ugba (African salad). I miss agege bread and ewa agoyi, jollof rice cooked on firewood and suya!!!!!!!!!I miss tapioka and coconut, isi ewu (goat head) pepper soup, eko, bole(roasted plantain) and fish, hot akara and ogi (pap), the list goes on and on. Over here, eating african foods is luxury. The cost of one tuber of yam is equivalent to the cost of almost ten tubers of yams or more back home. I also miss dressing in my African attire almost every Sunday. I remember a friend of ours living in Glasgow telling us of how some tourists lined up to take pictures with them when they wore their African attire.

And then the weather!!!!!!!!! My oh my!!!!!! Especially the Canadian weather. Well, we will continue to survive until we return to our home sweet home.

However, there is also an ongoing emotional dilemma which most people experience: the thought of connecting again emotionally if they eventually return home. This is another reality, which many face because some of your friends would have moved on and things would have changed from what it used to be many years ago. You will realize that you have also changed and your way of thinking may not be the same anymore. Leaving the shores of your country for a foreign land, you did not know what the future had in store and you did not really give much thought on how you would fit in. So I believe that you will definitely snap out of your dilemma because you are in your home sweet home. You will surely connect again as long as you are willing to do that.

The popular saying "There is no place like home" is a classic statement. Now I truly understand the value of such words. No matter what the Western world has to offer us, the fact still remains that a lot of us out here are emotionally connected to our home sweet home. I would really love people back home to appreciate where they are because life abroad is not as rosy and cozy as you might imagine. I remember not being able to afford 70 pence for a bus ride to school in London, hence I had to walk from home to school on two occasions for my lectures. I never imagined I could face such a situation in London!!!!!! It took me almost two hours to get to school. Some believe that once they arrive in Jand (London) or Yankee (America), all their problems in life will cease and they will live happily ever after. I will say that is when you suddenly realize that you are different, your name sounds different, your accent can not be understood, your qualification is not recognized and you have no foreign work experience. The list goes on and on, you only need to experience it to truly understand that we do not belong here.

In conclusion, I will say that wherever you find yourself in life especially those in the Diaspora, do not let the system squeeze you into a particular mould. You are unique in your own way and no matter the limitations that you face, as long as you know your roots, you can never be stranded on your journey in life.

For comments on this article please send a mail to onyigirl@hotmail.com

Watch out for my next article………..When you dare to care.

Onyinye Oyedele is a former BEN-TV London News anchor.