ONYINYE'S MIRROR ON LIFE

Onyinye OyedeleTuesday, March 10, 2015



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MOTHERS AS MENTORS


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flustered and hovered around her�

"No! Please flip it like this." "Oh, don't let that splash.""You are too close to the stove."

Then dad chimed in� "Please don't let the hot oil splash on my daughter oh!

Well, it was taking "forever" to get dinner ready as my "little madam" insisted on frying plantain. It was a "promotion" from washing rice or picking beans (removing the bad seeds before cooking). But just as my patience wore out, I felt compelled to remind myself that this was indeed the beginning of a long journey in "Kitchen Management." Just one item on the long list of things to teach! I shuddered at the enormous responsibility.

Quite overwhelmed at the tasks ahead and my inadequacies, I often wonder aloud, "How did my mother do it?" "How did she answer all my questions?" "How did she know the right time and pace to teach? She often said, "Anya ruo gi ala."(be careful�be cautious�be observant). Every mother echoes that to their young children especially girls. And even boys are becoming eager to learn in the kitchen! Mothers are always on the frontline of being a role model for children as they selflessly "show up" for all kinds of duties!

My mother clasped the kerosene lamp between her knees. Her fingers blackened by caked dark fumes. She lifted the flap on the cylindrical top and tilted the criss-crossed metal encasement to pop out the glass globe. She cleaned and polished the glass until it glistened. Then changed the wick and topped up the kerosene. It was the same ritual for about three lamps; then we were ready for any power failure! This was her daily mundane task, in addition to "slapping" the kerosene stove to bring out only blue flames. I wondered if I would ever be able to remove that glass globe with such ease. I also watched in utter wonder as she chopped her okazi leaves with such finesse�the knife was so close to her fingers, I thought she would chop them off! I must confess, I did not master that! So I end up paying a little extra for that service from the highly skilled vegetable sellers at the market. There are certainly some things that only mothers can do!

Moreover, just as I often linger on thoughts of how to train a girl, I am reminded that although my mother was indeed my first and most dominant mentor, she did not have to do the work alone as I grew up. There were many women who complemented her efforts; grandmothers, aunties, "big" sisters, cousins, women in the church, teachers, family friends, and others. My paternal grandmother often scolded me for not saying "excuse me" but rather trying to maneuver or elbow my way from a tight corner! In fact, each time I pick up any canned product, I wash the top thoroughly before opening just as I was taught by my guardian. It was a "taboo" to open a can without washing it� "kai, think of all the germs, rust, and dust!" She often reminded me. In fact, imagine the ones that have been sitting on those shelves at the market! Who knows maybe rats have excreted on them! I also remember a retired vice-principal who recently taught me the cleaning and sparkling power of white vinegar while we cleaned chandeliers and I gleaned from her life experiences.

We need mentors to help mould character and skills. A lot of young women need mentors as they navigate the daunting task of raising children, managing a home and maybe a job, and in addition being a wife! Mentoring happens in unique ways and little snippets of learning happen when young women make themselves available to older women. It is quite alarming how young people, especially teenagers, have become more attached to communication devices and social media platforms. A Canadian news report suggested that having mentors is a good recipe for breaking such habits. In addition, it is important to also engage young people in household chores and activities that will make them responsible members of society. The report also identified the lack of mentors and role models in helping young people develop life skills.

In conclusion, as we celebrate mothers this month in some countries, (notably the UK and Nigeria), it is important to emphasize and highlight the indomitable impact of mothers and women in the life of children. Mothers have a unique role of shaping lives and it is a privilege to be a role model. Above all, mothers should continue to ask God almighty for wisdom, courage and patience to mould the young minds of today.

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