FEATURE ARTICLE

Mankind Olawale OyewumiThursday, January 16, 2014
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LOVE AND MARRIAGE
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"Unless you can muse in a crowd all day
On the absent face that fixed you;
Unless you can love, as the angels may,
With the breath of heaven betwixt you;
Unless you can dream that this faith is fast,
Through beholding and unbeholding;
Unless you can die when the dream is past-
Oh, never call it loving!"
---Elizabeth Barrett Browning

n any season of nature permitted by God, reason has nothing more pleasing to support than the concept of love. Love is the most sung song of man; sung yesterday, ceaselessly shall be sung on earth. Love is the tenderness of the unfeeling, the hardness of the weak. Love is man's light in darkness, the only hope of the world in hopelessness. Love is the fulfillment of man's failure, the failure of his fulfillment. Invisible though its spring, love is water which makes thirst impossible. Love is the conscience of all evil, also the cruelty of unethical conscience. Love is nature's indestructible link with man's planet and heart. Love is the success of man in the business of variable vanities. Love is the failure of man in the oddity of essence-smashing. Love is the hate of hate, the elevation of passion springing from man's eternal nobility as man. Whether at individual or communal level, love is love if it is unmixed with strange factors that ignobly hurt.

The rays of happiness are the ray of love. Siblings of a source, friends of different factions, all may be led by the one and same light it beams. If the benefactors who morally assisted our parents offer us help, shall we reject it? If the unimpeachable kindness that saved our pals pays us with ample prosperity, shall we shun it? Prevent no human being from loving whoever they choose to love. Say or do nothing that kills the possibility of love and loving between people. The young man is poor. And so what? What to eat and what to wear and where to live are minute considerations the self-creating and magically catering love shall withstand. The girl boasts no socially worthy background. Does it matter? All worthy backgrounds have worthless socially people as backgrounds. Ask history, those who sieve the relationships of others have always live and die in untamable, vindictive regrets. We must not allow love to be measured or conditioned on the previous relationships of our families. Every good deed will eventually justify itself, no matter what millions think about it. Nothing demands more attention and faith than a true love truly sought, truly expressed, truly acted and truly defended.

In his "Give All to Love" poem, Ralph Waldo Emerson motivates the notion of love with impressive philosophical balance:
"Obey thy heart;
Friends, kindred days,
Estate, good-fame,
Plans, credit and the muse;-
Nothing refuse.

Tis a brave master;
Let it have scope:
Follow it utterly,
Hope beyond hope:
High and more high:
It dives into noon,
With wing unspent,
Untold intent;
But it is a god,
Knows its own path
And the outlets of the sky.

It was never for the mean;
It requireth courage stout.
Souls above doubt
Valor unbending,
It will reward,
They shall return,
And ever ascending.

Leave all for love;
Yet, hear me, yet,
One word more-thy heart beloved,
One pulse more of firm endeavour;-
To-morrow, forever,
Of thy beloved.

Cling with life to the maid;
But when the surprise,
First vague shadow of surmise
Flits across her bosom young;
Of a joy apart from thee,
Free be she, fancy free;
Nor the palest rose she flung
From her summer diadem.

Though thou loved her as thyself,
As a self of power clay,
Though her parting dims the day,
Stealing grace from all alive;
Heartily know,
The gods arrive."

The love is hate, which has its mode sick as love. Love shown as if it were an unbearable burden cannot be love. Then if love were a burden, it is a beautiful burden nobly assigned by God, to be nobly borne by man. If l I wear a frown as I make others smile, my soul is a store of hate, and love does not dwell in it. Love must be absolutely exhibited with that is unsusceptible to, and unsuspectable of hate.

Love is the angelness of rogues, the roguish instinct of saints. Love is the happiness of the sad, the sadness of the happy. When his soul he follows from its raw routes to pillows, billow and below, and to wherever it leads, pleasant is the experience of man's experiment. Love is not a lot to be borne, it is a stimulus that persists in man if responded to as duty. For the soul, it is wellness, it is the only progress. And let all men obey its strict rules, the reigning beauty in them promotes itself to a more beautiful beauty; and if this obedience of master-soul soars as the sun shines, more resplendence and beauty, which nothing attacks and preys upon, shall lie in to the beckon of the world in docile totality.

So, reading through Anthony Trollope's Bachester Tower, I was uncomfortable with a sentence which had since sunk in my memory, "there is no happiness in love, except at the end of an English novel." This is an apparent disavowal of the possible universality and universal possibility of love. The presence of love ought not to be denied because majority who practise it with indignity fill our earth with consequences. While several other race, like the English speaking world believe in, and tickle the fancy of earth's dullness with the magic of love, Trollope ought to realize that something must be truly noble about the English culture, good enough to (identify with) and pump for love, and which he underrates, restricts, or depravedly ranks with unbelievable baseness. Happiness is everywhere; the commencement phase and end of any affair truthfully attained and faithfully retained, not just in the sophisticated literature of any race, will work for man, let man invest his faith! No matter the considered circumstance, nature is an infinite mine of love; and the heart which opens for its influx flushes itself and others of the stench of solitude, sadness and stress after some agony which only serves to service love.

"Love is the state in which man sees things most decidedly as they are not" from Wilhelm Nietzsche in The Antichrist baffled my soul; and as I sought some super sanity to bail me out of this creative heresy, the tons of woes from several other mis-perception and ill-conception of love forced my intellect to transient inanity. What can Geoffrey Chaucer's popular statement, "Love is blind" in The Canterbury Tales: The Merchant's Tale not capable of nobly implying beyond that the truly loving heart closes his eyes against the infirmities, emptiness and blunders of others, to love no matter what the time and expedients enforce?

Do we feel Samuel Buttler a fool when he says in his The Way of all Flesh that, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"? The ways of love seems infirm and stupid, but to him or her who loves in truth, all shown infirmities and stupidities in the course of loving is sense and strength. Have you read John Dryden's "Love's the noblest frailty of the mind" in his The Indian Emperor? Man must stop traducing nobility from the culture of the beastliness which he imports into the Creator's most potent weapon of eternity advancement. It is not love which should adjust to the standards of man; it is man who must sincerely emulate the prescriptions of, and dance to the freeing tune of love. And since the man who is pricked by love sees things differently from the world, it is a question upon the vaunted credibility of cultures man dubiously parade as love if the way things are not, through which the man filled with love, has chosen to view them, can countlessly bring more happiness than his horribly common experience with those cultures history might be too afraid to record.

Love is really true; love is truly real! And if disappointment and tragedy inevitably attend the most valued and envied affairs with no appeasing promise of peace or fulfillment in the long run, it must be that those involved compromise the principles, I am sure. For, to dance outside the tune of love in unions formed by love, is to sweat unnoticed by the forces of love which joy and harmony represent for lovers. She too may have seen this somewhere I guess--and she is intelligent enough to compose such I must add--a statement I read on Biola Akinkuotu's mobile phone at DT Institute, Lagos, in 2007{on her permission} strikes some note in me, "If you are sweet and sincere, I will call you my dear." Where sweetness represents unusual capacity for tantalizing romance, this presupposes its emptiness where sincerity is absent. Sincerity, therefore, is the spirit of love.

Kenneth Chaffin says, "It is not the sex act that gives meaning to the relationship between two opposite sex, but the quality of the relationship which gives meaning to the sex act." As sweet as sex may be, no truly dignified person feels fulfilled with being a bedmate to a beast whose truth is constant lies, whose devotion is inconsistency and moral imbalance. Unconditional attraction to infinite inner beauty is love. Better that the lover not so facially attractive, and the love truer and more beautiful, and not for the soul some impurities and stench constitute!

The costly sanity which emanates from the observance of laws alone cannot be worthy as love. But love is the fulfillment of all just laws labouring to refashion man, beginning from the heart of various men. Love is the willing acceptance, first of responsibilities, then of the elongation of the joy man's commitment to liberty is certain to import. In all that ever was fine in the world, love is the foundation, love is the vision, and love is the destination. All respectable postulations and celebrated inventions were formed from nature's harmonious emanations by minds with articulate inner magnets. Is the nation afraid of leaping without looking to love her people and the world? Worst metaphors shall be deployed as a conveyor of personality havocs, by critics to describe the epochal failure! Is the mortal scared of investing the best, commitment-filled sacrifices in love affairs? Such person's future is predictably built on bright bleakness and ascertained hopelessness!

The words of Beverly Nicolas, "If you look before you leap you will go on looking, and looking, and looking into nothingness." I always remember to apply when situations require enormous risks. If it is risky to live, it is even more risky to die; and death cannot but come. If it is risky to love, it is more risky not to love, for, the best man deserves, only love can bring.

All the calculations and anticipations fear engenders can lead the lover to no safety better than ruin and wreck! With my whole energy I shall always attend to all love projects. I will always love, let love bring me hate. If I love someone whose deeds honour evil, or heart pumps for another man, my investment is neither squandered nor love worthless since manifold love is restored in my soul, and my whole a custody of multiple gold. As I appreciate in good, spirit, nature shall send another person whose soul fetches limitless affection watered from the source to which my soul is also indebted. My words then become my love's ways; and her resentment my hated evil. This may come early, here in the presence of the world; it may arrive later in the future none here might see; to the world a model I might be in countlessly cruel experience of love. Why then do I feel indefinitely hurt, I whose great essence transcends the conjugal bliss I expect to experience and see? Ralph Waldo Emerson says, "He who is in love is wise, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses. Therefore if the object be not itself a living and expanding soul, he presently exhausts it. But the love remains in his mind, and the wisdom it brought him; and it craves a new and higher object. And the reasons why all men honour love, is because it looks up and not down; it aspires and not despair."

Departure from the beauty of nature is the surest source of regret for lovers; no frustration or pain can destroy a lover whose love is true and richer than spectacles. The ease with which I talk a partner into a relationship with me cannot be the true yardstick of his or her cheapness; and that he or she shows some unyielding toughness does not mean he or she can be trusted with my heart. The stuff with which the lover is made, who readily accepts to be mine, or who questions every analysis I give, scrutinizes every point contained in my marital manifestoes for a union, and loves with some gradually waning doubts, time and my trusting heart are determinants which shall infallibly tell; I cannot take my love for granted, let it cost just a zero dollar or a second to attain. I will never think that he or she loves me less, a companion who takes his or time to agree to be mine. When I love in truth and trust, every camouflage shall reveal itself as scam; my soul shall recommend my life to a more qualitative affair which shall be for me the true beauty and love I seek.

He may not find his route to true love if he sincerely seeks it, the man who truly loves to the standard of love he bears. But he must remain unruffled and vigilant; let him not be too much in a haste to be loved, but let him not think any love-hour is too early when it comes. The most rewarding love for people may be the love they least anticipate. Let the lover, while searching and waiting for love, spend days, months and years on morally preparing facilities to be used in retaining attracted love. The lover's career must be his or her most important all, after love. His or her morals must entail that career. He or she must be so inwardly coordinated to the awaited lover if such lover can be inspired by true beauty.

All men could spend their fortunes to procure or service love; but no man should spend a penny on lust. Love does not dictate where it is being honoured. Everywhere is a venue of love for lovers who truly love. The essence of love is not gain; but oh, how beautiful, how noble are lovers whose conception of love stands on the elevated temple of selflessness to yield their companions with benefits, and stay in love still, when their preached beauty and acted nobility wear their good hearts down for that indescribably eternal rewards hope represents for man! Love exists for man, never man for love. Why should there be barriers between me and my love? Am I only loved when I am materially rich? That is not love. Does the man abandon his love to challenges because he boasts no means of helping? That is not love. Does the woman smile at him only when he brings goodies? That is not love. Does she offer her all in devotion to him while secretly betraying the value she shows to her honey? That is not love. Love is only love when other than love, no factor inspires or regulates it.

Love obeys no rule. Love is superior to all laws and commandments. If some regulation controls when I greet my neighbour, or care for the next man in urgent need, or smile at, and kiss my love, I cease to be a lover whom nature has trusted with a heart and soul housed in an organized body to facilitate her cause. And what is nature, if not God? Who is this God, if His best work be not commander of which man is? The prophets, or the lawmakers, or the moralists who forbid sexual intercourse among truly loving partners have sinned in that aspect, against God and humanity. Pastors and instructors who sustain this fallacy are robots and fools. Every love-induced sex is holy, and those who feign love to sexually exploit others are desecrators and thieves; and that people exist in the world, who pretend to be in love to deceive others to bed is not a justification for giving any condition for sex other than love. While millions exist, whose love is truly lovely? Man ought not to rubbish any concept on the basis of others' violation of its nature and beauty. When I focus my criticism on any religion or any system of government, or even culture, the rotten organ of it is what I must speak against; within it lies other beauty I must commend and further beautify with my acknowledgement and corroboration if I am not biased. Ralph Waldo Emerson, in The Preacher, puts it this way, "In the activity of the understanding the sentiments sleep. The understanding presumes in things above its sphere, and because it has exposed error; because it has found absurdities to which the sentiment of veneration is attached, sneer at veneration; so that analysis has run to seed in unbelief. There is no faith left. We laugh and hiss, pleased with our power ill-making heaven and earth a howling wilderness."

Sex does not need to wait for marriage. The essence of marriage is love. Marriage is a proof that the love is real. Love gives meaning to marriage, never marriage to love. The fulfillment of marriage is depending on the presence of love. Marriage is imposing without love. If a man and a woman who are yet to get married to each other owing to the required number of years to begin and complete their careers, or due to the evil constraints their satanic societies impose from the department of unavailable wherewithal, are genuinely in love with each other, which religion or movement says it is immoral to balance their bio-sexual excesses in each other? Abstinence from sex is only a just tool for controlling unbearable consequences of sex [and sexual consequences cannot be unbearable if those involved are armed with their love to storm all weathers of their action!] if it remains a humble opinion of men gently introduced to youngsters and adults who will defy all regulations to roll in bed with those they love even if they are threatened with hell! The soul which honestly holds and burns for love cannot be desecrated, but eternally kept intact for nobler, use as a temple!

Much as I respect others' opinion, I am certain that certain verdicts on some subjects, because they may be mortally misleading and dangerous, must be spoken and acted against. While all prophets may be morally worthy, saying and doing what millions had followed for personal and collective peace in the world, their assertion on this I boldly question if they too think genuine lovers are sinners. Whether or not the sex I have with the opposite sex, my true love, is pre-marital or post-marital, let no injunction or instruction scare me unnecessarily because I love. Nature records no sin for any act done in service of love; God begrudges no mortal whose sexual life follows eternal truth and beauty. I shall not have sex with any woman on any ground other than love; and if I love, sex is not necessarily the only way to express it though, I will include sex whenever the better part of my God-endowed nature yearns to function, damning all commandments!

The doctrine of "No-sex-before-marriage" is not just unjust; it is also a trinity tool of fallacy, exploitation and hate. The young lady, when her lover deeply beholds and passionately loves abandons the poor lad in love-nostalgia and emotional suspense, especially if he does not financially boom enough to sponsor and sustain the modern model of marriage man unconscientiously approves for his planet. And if the lady stays, it is often because she loves the hope that man's present status and cash hold. Psychologically wretched and tattered, and in quick need of what ought to be his birthright, the society-driven idiot courts all evils to meet their set standard of marriage. He then mechanically and savagely consumes what he ought to naturally and nobly enjoy. Ungrateful to the giver and uninspired by the eternal essence of sex, the man orders his wife to bed the way a plate of rice is forced to the dining table, injecting and egesting the God-made, conspicuously the most mellifluous meal without ineluctable spiritual digestion. We are told by biologists that digestion is the essence of ingestion; any food egested without digestion is of no value to the body system. And just as meal taken after serious hunger assists with little nutrition, sex got after desperation brings no satisfaction.

Every unappreciated emotional intimacy which sexual intercourse represents among mortals has the longrun effect of putting asunder to marriages, or at least, of stunting the foliage of marriage into an anticipated oak of limitless and lasting benefits. Sex is known to foster fondness on the part of women and uxority on the part of men; what is fondness but assured togetherness, or uxority but male-to-female fondness? How can they think and act together to support a common cause, or even raise their children into unbounded advantages to their family and society when their different pericardiums of love house and guard strangers' hearts? I know that people exist whose ignorance or choiceness have compelled to accept the "No-sex-before-marriage" fallacy, no oppression is as oppressive as the one which the soul revolts against but which the man cannot fight! They are in bondage, men and women who subscribe to the truthfulness of any fallacy on the ground of fear; the happiness they feign is sadness when they act from within, neglect all religious restrictions to love like lovers, never like learners and monsters. Freedom in itself is a kingdom of herodom which fools destined for servitude shall frequently neglect in obedience to tyranny. In the words of William Cowper, "Freedom has a thousand charms to show, that slaves, however contented, never know."

Love fears no fear. Love does not respect any emperor, officialdom government or culture, more than itself. Love insists that all persons, nations, and things be measured by it. A man ought to be willing to show love to follows no matter whether the love he shows will make or mar his life {and how can any service done in homage to true love mar if a man's conception of reward is rooted in vision and moral depth for the world?}. The good Samaritan stayed to assist the robbed stranger despite the possibility of his being attacked in the process, let all Africans prove worthier than their parochial and corrupt law keepers to help accident victims and others no matter the consequences; let all earthlings heavily sacrifice to speak and plot against evil, wherever it may be found. Love is total unconditional attention and commitment to one's special companion and a good oriented-cause. Love is altruistic altitude towards collective agenda. Love is massive deregulation packaged and executed against the well-being of evil. Love is disobedience to tyranny. Love is the invalidation of fallacies. Love is the creation of immense advantages for the good of the world. Love is clean conscience. Love is kindness. Love is obedience to one's inner man, the soul. Love is conference or war against narrow love. Love is noble death. Love is every eternal expression and action constructed and formed for the upkeep of man, for the advancement of eternity!

The greatest moment in the manifestation of love is when love orders restitution or when it engineers asunder. The man is not in love if he does not attempt a re-union with an innocently erring lover; he cannot be a lover if others mistakes he does not justly scold. Pretence that all is well when nothing is healthy is the beginning and peak of all known hate. The man that loves in truth cannot pretend to any situation or person; he is bold and blunt at all times because that which inspires fear and double-standard is hate and fraud. I wrote a letter to Rotimi Inyang, my very good friend whose best man I was on his wedding day when our divergent ideologies on what friendship and love entail sprung against pretension. See what you make of it: "This is about the second hardest, difficult letter I have ever written. But what can I do than to put pride apart and dance to the compelling tune of love and write it. While I plead, amidst the flood of tears and sadness in my heart that you forgive my part in the events that led us here, I whole- heartedly forgive you as well. And accompanying this forgiveness must be a genuine re-unification of our purposes and faithful investment of honest hope that God will never leave us in social mockery, financial humiliation and spiritual emptiness. Every worth, belief, and dignity must submit itself to the moral will of upright love. Nothing the members of a love-affair thinks, knows, or have that is too precious to service its well-being. It is time we stopped allowing the tormenting comments and happenings around us to dictate what we present to honest, straight forward affairs. You once believed in my future, more than the light of your freedom, make me believe that this belief lives, and will never leave no matter what time brings. What you are doing to me is a mere error of your own judgment. God would not have, and will never encourage my being in sorrow by motivating you to quit our relationship and walk away on our love. I love you so much, and find life an unfriendly venue of disaster without you in my project of giving humanity a facial lift for the survival and happiness of present and unborn generations." He read this with an immense disbelief that, an ‘arrogant’ Mankind did actually apologise! We were back to our friendship, matured! A young but quite cute and classic girl whom I truly wanted as a lover sent a text message to me as her response to my consistent proposal:

"Sir, let's still be friends and see what will come out of the friendship.
I appreciate your love for me. Good night", to which I instantly replied:

"Friendship is the foundation of all great love, and the lover is lucky, whose love is first of all his true friend. Sincere love does not rush; it is patient, calm but deep. Friendship with you is worth the whole world. May we be worthy of each other. Thank you for being my friend!"

Friendship, or even its proposal is the convincing proof that the man's or woman's love is, or may be convincing and beyond reproach. Marriage is the evidence that a man and a woman have become one. Friendship is the slow-moving but penetrating composure of nature in the disjointed affairs of mortals. Marriage is the triviality of man's emotion and passion dressed in varying cultural and spiritual spectacles, celebrated before all. The origin of friendship is undoubtedly the soul; the origin of marriage is dividedly unknown. Marriage is possible through friendship. Friendship is the vision, marriage the action. And while vision and action are two inseparable entities, minds filled with abundant reason know which one of these truly owns the project of love. Any couple could choose to act their vision the way their culture or religion regulates, but all couples must make friendship a constant factor in the complex algebra of their connubial exploration. Love is the only preferred beauty of friendship; friendship is the only known condition of marriage. Beautifying what we adore, we dare not compromise the sacrifices of making it the best we shall forever be proud of. We must not compromise the standard parameters of love if we genuinely intend that our friendship with the opposite sex culminates in marriage.

While marriage, when it evolves a family, is the smallest unit of love, all aspects of life require, and no endeavour of man survives without love. Love is good leadership when present in polities. Love is heaven when projected in piety. Love is friendship when at work among individuals and groups. Love is heroism or greatness when personal all is used for others' joy and redemption. Love is economic boom when earth's resources are made available for earthlings' use. Love is vision and craft when a writer's life is devoted to universal truth. Love is religion when the scopes of doctrines do not exclude man's collective fulfillment. Love is legacy when all debates and battles are stirred by our interest in posterity. Nothing, I say again, is catalyzed by love that isolates the world in demerits!

When love invites the world to witness the celebration of its presence in the lives of couples, let the society encourage it; let the couples' parents not institute hindrances that may prevent the possibility of this sought- togetherness the world tags marriage. The couples must be ready to honour the parents who bring them up and train them to the level of adulthood or productive maturity as a globally acclaimed way of showing gratitude by entertaining those they may invite and attract to attend their children's tying of nuptials, based on the hospitality-culture of man, but let no parents or society exert any stupid financial stress on any young couple who may just be beginning to calculate the honest gimmicks of calving some niche for themselves in the world as youths. Good hearts must stir this spot: it is required optionally that customs be followed, but where customs accuse the freedoms and create new ones which he must protect until it is right to alter traditions, and nobler recommendations from him come to take the place of former convictions. Let their benefits to the world, determine the future to be killed and spared by man!

Love is the inexplicable expression of friendship, the pointer to, and sustenance of marriage. Love is a tacit arrangement between persons, in which personal worries wane into collective woes, and collective crises burst into individual cross. The ideal lover is an integration of foreign ambition with own aspirations. Love is duty, and loyalty to duty is love. The man cannot get love who evades duty. Done duties ought not to trick people into love; it ought to bring and sustain love because it ceases not. Mortals who trick others into love with sincere care hang the symbol of everlasting guilt on the wall of their own hearts. Duties ought not to be done in contexts shameful to true love. The true love is the central love from which the world fetches happiness as their ageless fountain. Those who dupe virtue and truth to look good before their love are the most unworthy applicants of true love. The good wife is one whose appetite and taste induce no pressure in her husband.

In marriage, active partners ought to respond equally to situations, and nominal partners ought to be for them a canvass on which their collective energy may bounce. My wife is not my slave, for it is more enslaving to feel the sweetest experience which love represents, with soul-mates whom our myopic culture tags superiorly inferior to our all. My wife is not a commodity purchased as want when I can afford to do so; she is a jewel which neither my riches nor poverty can be wealthy enough to buy. My husband is not a business-man whose stock I am as a woman; he is an angel in whom my strengths and weaknesses find application and health.

The man who will be a good husband is a potential leader who must boast the credentials of a fine follower. The wise leader guarantees the following of others when he obeys and lives for the wishes of those he hopes to lead. Mortals will readily obey when they are convinced that they are being frequently obeyed. The woman who will be a great wife is the coming queen whose vast power must be for the advancement of her followers. No leader, no follower in marriage. Both parties are worthy stake-holders whose worthiness is better than any inferiority-superiority stance possible within any scope of religious, cultural or social convictions. Whatever they possess as endowments, to the evolvement of a very truthful investment in their togetherness and love it must go.

The woman cannot arouse affection who predetermines and regulates the scarifies of love. Love must be spontaneous to be genuine, and the geniuses of love sources from the mercurial sparks of endless duties faithfully and loyally discharged to elevate the union. In the world, the greatest duties must yield some profits greater than the consumption-strength of their stake-holders. They will necessarily not satisfy the hidden yearnings of selfish members. An ideal lover expresses expectations, and goes after substance of such combination for which all resources and energy must work.

Advantages are bound to be derived from any relationship spelt by love I know, but no truly loving heart measures love by the regularity of benefits. True love peaks in happiness when the party's involved search for, and act out their parts, and not prepare their emotional lanterns only for the security of benefits. Benefits there will be, for those who prefer instant gains as the place of love, but they shall be benefits baneous to the soul, being at the expense of love. Marriage is not a factory where life-easing commodities are manufactured and marketed; it is a consecrated temple where the fate of the world is unwittingly planned. Marriage, the coming together of a man and a woman [or of more women!] is the foundation of the family; the family is the surest fountain of hope in the world if evolved from unbounded love. In the days of sorrow when life arrows hunt the mighty sparrow in members, the family is the warrior that rescue and love. In moments of distress, disaster and hopelessness, the family is the burden-bearer, comforter and children's hope. The family believes when the world underrates the child's ability. The mother re-assures, the father boosts the child's confidence, and in the end, what the world thinks impossible with a child, the world inevitably celebrates in that child because the family cares! In life, the greatest want of any human being is the want if a family!

In marriage, love is the law; in the family, care is the key. And there is no extent of sacrifice a partner, or the family may not render to parent love. No tradition constitutes any impediments to love; all laws made to govern love shall yield man all the earth's aches and pains. The solid lover is not the mortal who never has mis-understanding with his or her partner; it is a man or a woman with a heart of repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation once at loggers' head with his or her love.

The third party to a love affair should only function as a mediator of principle, not only unbiased but equally not seeming biased while mediating in any dispute between affectionate partners. If a man expresses bias in the course of settling the problems arising from partners' conflict, he compels himself to irrelevance in their affair. If a woman fails to speak the truth in situation involving bluntness and decisiveness for a marital re-orientation of partners because of her special interest in, or an attachment to either the man or the woman, she attests to her own impossibility of association with justice and beauty. The love that must be encouraged among all lovers is the one which does not exist to quench the universal love for man's advancement.

I have seen some husbands who, moved by narrow love, defended lies and energetically punched others to protect their families on basis unfairness dictated. If my wife is involved in a conflict with my neighbour, be the neighbour a male or a female, I ought not to fly into heroic define of her without first of all finding out what leads to the crisis; doing so will place love, marriage, and family above our sought love. And, love is not love if the good it produces are restricted to known faces alone. Love is not only the protection of those I love, it is the defence of the rights and dignity of those my restricted love entertains with hurt and hate. The bliss we strive to keep for our family or relationship by justly destroying others we must conscientiously remember they too deserve as we live. Love must include the protection of others' opportunities, fortunes and happiness. Love also insists that I scold my wife, husband or family for others if they believe in the beauty the world has agelessly booted to attain.

I will not insult another woman's love. I will not harass another man's wife with my rotten words, unfriendly face, battery, or immoral relationship. I know if I am stronger than any woman whose abusive mouth magnetizes some slaps from me, that is calm is strength when met with a weaker opponent; that as William Shakespeare observes, "It is excellent to have giant's strength but tyrannical to use it like a giant." I know that the most painfully hated insult to a dignified woman is the disrespect dished for the consumption of the man she loves. What I will not like, if it is done against my husband, no woman's husband deserves to hear from me. I have learnt in time that all husbands are all women's pride, that all wives are there as all men's jewels. Let no man covets another man's wife; it will cause the most destructive war. In history, Troy was burnt for it! In history, the Chinese kingdom was in disarray for years because a woman was snatched! Let no woman have the ambition of sleeping with, and snatching the husband of another woman's husband; it will ruin the world more than what any ruin can vandalistically achieve in a million years. From this rule, kings and queens are not exempted; and as mush as the mortal loves, let not his or her passion be explored to mar man's collective, more ideal greatness.

As a woman, my place is to fill the gaps my husband's strengths cannot cover; to be his hope when he seems hopeless and refills his energy and spirituality with my tenderness, re-assuring understanding and love. In abandonment of these noble duties, I cannot concentrate on gossips, I cannot pre-determine the love I give by the goods his money can ensure in our house. The good that drives me is superior to the good he drives home; the ugliness nature and God invite me to obstruct comes easily to the world if my irreplaceable action is delayed in a moment. In pain, I owe my husband love; in fortune, I sustain our inner longing with love. His distress is more of mine because my place it is to nurture him into happiness. And if my husband is sad because of my selfish love, all the crimes he commits there-after shall be my crimes because his glory is more mine than his.

Universal happiness is the destined measure of love. All that brings this happiness is good; all that blocks its path is evil. It does not matter whether we are rich or not; God shall not fail to give and refuse us children, money and health as deemed fit by Him in the characterization of the play life has come to mean to the wise. Whether by us or by others, children abound in the world to be brought up and to be loved. Man's abnormal ego prefers what nature produces through him other than through others; his absurd wickedness insinuates others' children cannot pass as his own. Man favours population pullulating more than population maintenance. And while the two means of life continuity cannot be dispensed with at degree, the one will suffer the cause of man if the other is raised far above it. We must dote, and care about, not only children from us as through lovers; others' children without the privileges our own have, too, deserve our best. Lord, give me all that encourages love, but please make my sadness impossible as I live nobly without these still.

Our extended families are our in-laws and the world. We, as true lovers, must measure our happiness by the frequency of all earthlings' joy in the soothing pilgrimage of fulfillment. We are great men and women as lovers; and nothing can be so insignificant and unknown on earth which the great and the loving focus, that shall not be fruitfully significant and widely known. Now let all mortals be great by truly loving others through partners. Let bright faces from marital altars and quarters render sorrow songs unneeded and hopeless lives hopeful because this God-made men and women too, despite their ages, like their Creator can be loved!

Love is the only known antinominian of life. Designed for exception and enduring penetration, nothing formidable holds back the hands of love. Religion does not, in form of any regulation stops, or through any corroboration, beautify love. Politics cannot disturb love. In history, rivalry-disconnected families have lost their cherished children owing to their unnatural attempts at modulating the tune of love. Have you read Shakespeare's Romeo And Juliet? "Only that is spiritual, which makes it own form. If I may not find its secrets within myself, I shall never find it; if I have not got it already, it will never come to me", says Oscar Wildes in his beautiful DE PROFUNDIS, trying to explain the source of spirituality.

Complete kindness and morality are our only loved spirituality [religiosity]. And they do not dwell in individuals' with scanty passion for the redemption of their planet with large love. Let the world never believe in the same doctrine, never invest in common ideology, but let their different doctrines and ideologies exist in the service of man through love and marriage. This is the meaning of man's joint sojourn on earth.'

Mankind Olawale Oyewumi is a language and literature teacher from Africa's Nigeria. He has published SONGS OF THE LAW (a poetry anthology) and IMMORTAL INSTRUCTIONS( his brilliant collection of philosophical reflections on life's different spheres) as a writer of repute. HOPE OF THE BRAVE is his coming novel on the serious need for collective courage against as regards actions on social, economic and political oppressions in any part of the world!

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