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[email protected] Political Scientist USA

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FRIDAY PEPPERSOUP TALK
THE SWAZI KING AND FIFTY THOUSAND NAKED WOMEN

want to be the king of Swaziland.

You must be drunk. You bloody Nigerian to be the King of Swaziland?

You think am joking, I�m very serious. The current king is having too much fun, I want to share in the fun too.

Why do you say that?

As you may not be aware, the king is looking for his twelfth wife...

What is wrong with that? After all, he is an African king and can have as many wives as he wants.

I know that, but you did not let me finish my statement.

Sorry, go ahead.

The king has to choose his twelfth wife from a line up of fifty thousand naked young women, all of them virgins and in their teens.

You don't say?

I do say. That is not all, the king was said to be going around the naked women, checking them out and eliminating the ones who failed his test and did not meet his standards.

I hope the fifty thousand women would have an equal chance to check out the King's potbelly and his 'equipments' as well to determine whether or not they want to spend the rest of their lives with him.

I concur, but you know as well as I do that such a thing would not happen. Being king after all does have its privileges.

Yes, it does.

Did I hear you say sometime to the effect of test and standards?

Yes, the king has standards too, you know.

What standards?

Well, rumors have it that he is looking for the one who is well endowed in the posterior. You know African men and their love for fleshy behind. They love it more than their okra soup and amala. That is why most of our women have that ammunition and they are not afraid to use it to get their way. That is also the reason most of our men do not marry white women because of the widely held notion that they do not have the African woman�s behind.

Is that so? Are you saying that white women have pancake ...

Don�t you know that?

But what will the very young King do with twelve wives? Not only does he have one for each day of the week, he is well on his way to having two different women per day each week.

You know our men are very selfish. They like to show that they are well off with the number of women they have. Even the ones who are not kings are having multiple women on the side. It's the culture of the Nigerian man, the African man. In fact, if a married Nigerian man doesn't have a woman on the side, he must be crazy and his head should be examined.

My friend you are mistaken. There are many Nigerian men who are faithful to their wives. Many who go home to their wives after work and do not run after other women. Many who are satisfied by their wives sexually and otherwise and do not feel the need to venture out. They are dedicated to their families and to the ethos of the institution of marriage.

Where are those Nigerians? Where can I find them? Are they on this earth? On which planet do they reside? As a Nigerian, I've never seen or met a married Nigerian man who does not have some assets on the side.

Assets?

That is another name for women on the side.

You people, you always have names for them. Why not just call them women?

Why should we just call them women when they have assorted names for men as well.

Names like what?

�Sugar-daddy�, my �boo�, my �bobo�, my �handyman� and this one ---�lollipop�.

"Lollipop"? That is a new one. In any case, I agree with you that Nigerian men are very flirtatious as are other men in the world. I know that they love women and sex is cheap in our country and plentiful like the oil in our soil or the sand in Bar Beach, but I doubt it if every married Nigerian man out there is cheating on his wife. There are very respectable men who are very much in love with their wives and would not go outside their marriage.

But are you telling me that those who go outside their marriage do not love their wives? In fact, going outside the marriage should be seen as an affirmation that the man has a very healthy sexual appetite and this knowledge should be comforting to his wife. Satisfaction has nothing to do with the equation. It�s the want for a different experience.

If going outside the marriage denotes love, then I must not want to know what gesture would denote hate.

But by virtue of our culture of polygamy, our women should be used to their husbands having multiple women. How do the Muslim women handle their emotions when their husbands assume a second, third and fourth wife?

Well, that is the Muslim women 'palavar'. But I do know that this generation of Nigerian women, the ones who are in the universities now will not stand for this polygamy stuff. That is something our fathers did and is no longer fashionable. Besides, the whole concept is denigrating to women as it does not address the issue of psychological effects this practice has on the affected women. Are we to assume that they are supposed to accept their lot without regards to their humanity and feelings? We should know that times are changing and Nigerian women are getting liberated more and more.

I hear what you are saying. But without the practice of polygamy, how will our women be accounted for in the realm of marriage given that there are far more women than men in Nigeria and in this world? Would you rather prefer a situation where the men marry and divorce multiple times as it is done in the US or a situation where the women are catered for in a house by a man?

So tell me.

Tell you what?

If the situation were reversed, would you be advocating for the women to have multiple husbands?

If it�s physically and biologically possible, yes.

You are a very funny guy.

No, I�m serious. I think the men in polygamy are doing the women a great service.

You mean that it is not a selfish indulgence, but rather a humanitarian effort borne out of human kindness?

You could not have said it any better.

You must be crazy, my friend. It is you who should have his head checked. So the Swazi King �

What about him?

He must be in "cloud nine" every day of the week?

It�s more like �cloud twelve�.

Why twelve?

Is he not looking for his twelfth wife?

You are right, that is why his kingdom is suffering, because no one is tending to its needs. That is why one out of every three Swazi citizen is suffering from HIV/AIDs, because no one really cares about health reforms and educating the citizens about the dangers of sexual recklessness.

So the King must be a sexual robot with all those young teenage girls running around in his palace.

Hey, what can I say, he is the king and he has to get his kingly portion.

But I'm a chief, so where is my "chiefly" portion?

Chief of where, the "village of stupidity"?

Look...