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ibnaija@yahoo.com Political Scientist USA

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FRIDAY PEPPERSOUP TALK
G-STRINGS, DYING FOR NIGERIA AND MR. BASIL OMIYI, SHELL'S FIRST NAIJA MANAGER

need to read the morning paper, Ojo.

When did you start this habit, Samankwa?

Don't worry about that. A friend told me at work that some husbands are complaining bitterly about their wives wearing G-Strings. This was actually published in the papers and I want to read the story.

G-what?

Yes, G-Strings. Some husbands in Nigeria are complaining that their wives have gone astray and have become prostitutes because they are wearing G-Strings. They say it's immoral for women to adorn thread-like under apparel.

I can't believe this, my friend.

What do you mean?

With all the problems of unemployment, armed robbery, starvation ethnic violence and social decadence, disease and corruption that are plaguing this country, it's G-Strings that husbands are worried about. Those husbands must not be serious.

I hear you, but some husbands say it's un-sexy as it exposes their wife's posterior. What is wrong with that posture?

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Is it not the same posterior these husbands see every night? If so why are they complaining if they see them through G-Strings? After all, they say women wear such not for fashion, but for the fact that they do not want their panty lines to show through their pants. What would those husbands prefer - that other men see their wife's panty lines or the G-Strings that eliminate those lines?

I don't know, you should ask them.

Let me ask you a question.

Go ahead.

If your wife wears G-Strings, would you complain? Hell no, I love them, I think they are sexy, especially, if she has a "G-String-able" behind. I think they would add to the sexual appetite of any normal man.

Are you saying that Nigerian men who oppose their wives wearing the 'offensive' clothing aren't normal?

Those who are complaining can't be normal. They must have so much time on their hands. It's so irrelevant in this age when Americans and others are going to space and Taiwan and South Korea are fast becoming economic power houses like Japan. We should be worried about more important things, Haba!

Is that so?

Yes, it is so. If a woman wears the granny type underpants, does it make her any more morally upright?

I don't think so.

Nigerian men must learn how to be flexible and go with the times. Gone are the days when women wore granny sagging underpants or dross as they used to call them.

Now I remember that Tina, my ex-girlfriend used to wear those G-Strings all the time when we were at the university.

No wonder she was always digging deep into her .

Her what?

Never mind. By the way, how did you know that she wore those kinds of underpants? After all, rumors had it that you never slept with her. I also heard that you didn't even see pass her belly button. All those stories you told us were complete fibs.

That is impossible.

Whatever you say.

Well, you can believe whatever you want to believe.

So would you die?

Die for Tina?

Which Tina? I mean for Nigeria.

Why should I die for Nigeria? Has Nigeria died for me yet?

That is a very good question. But Obasanjo said that any Nigerian who is not willing to die for Nigeria must leave the country and make way for those who are willing.

That way must be an empty way as no one will take it. Obasanjo, as president, should die first. When he dies, then Nigeria will be worth dying for. Who is he to tell us to leave because we are not willing to die for Nigeria?

He's the president.

Then he should lead by example and die first. When he dies, I bet millions of Nigerians will also die.

You mean they would die for Nigeria?

No, they would die from exhaustion owing from excessive celebration on Obasanjo's death.

You will kill me one of these days with your mouth.

In all reality, I don't see anything in this country to die for. It has done nothing for me. It didn't provide job for me when I left the university, it did not feed me, it didn't pay my school fees, it didn't help any members of my family in any way, rather, it has caused me opportunities overseas because I am a Nigerian. So why should I die for such a nation? I think all the top politicians, the ministers, governors and the members of the National Assembly should show leadership and die first, then, we will follow.

You sef, you ebi like say you hate this country.

No, I love my country, but our leaders are all worthless except the likes of Madam, Okonjo-Iweala who is doing a great job in my opinion.

Chei, that man don chop plenty.

Who, Obasanjo?

I mean the new naija boss of Shell, Mr. Basil Omiyi.

Mr. Basil Omiyi, Shell's new Managing Director in Nigeria

I agree, his lot has changed forever. His position is bigger than that of the president in terms of the perks. He must be on top of the world.

But Shell always treats it workers well. Have you been to the Shell Camp in Port-Harcourt?

No.

It's like heaven. You will think you are in Switzerland or something. It's so beautiful with all the greens and trees to compliment the excellent facilities on the ground.

What else do they have in those camps?

They have tennis courts, golf courses, basketball courts, soccer pitches, canteens, swimming pools and what have you. I tell you, my friend, when I die, I want my soul to pass through that Shell Camp before it goes to heaven.

Which heaven would your soul be going to after all the sins you have committed in this world and all the innocent young girls you have deceived? Your soul, will go straight to hell on first class.

And yours will be my escort. On a serious note, it's about time they appointed a Nigerian to lead the Nigerian operations. Why should they be making billions from us and still can't relinquish the management positions to the indigenes? This is an insult. In fact, we should not be celebrating, we should be condemning Shell for its racist practice. I am appalled that it took the company this long to realize their stupidity.

So where is the man from?

How do I know?

Well, it seems that he is not a northerner from his name, otherwise, that would have been the source of another friction in this country.

Why, I don't understand, are we not all Nigerians?

Yes, we are, but when it comes to oil, there are not Nigerians. Since the oil is in the south, it would be wise to have a southerner, preferably, from one of the oil producing states to head Shell.

But Buhari was petroleum minister and he is from Katsina.

Yes, that was under an ignorant military regime. Any civil leader will understand the intricacies of appointing a northerner to head a sector that is grounded in the south. If the tables were turned, the northerners would do the same. Shell has done well by appointing a southerner to that position.

Well south or north, I just hope he performs well and transforms that industry so that

more Nigerians can have the opportunity to work there and make a decent living. He should also address the issue of poverty in the Niger Delta region and the environment as well. I hope he is not one of those who will enrich his pocket and forget about others.

I wish him well.

Yes, he needs all the luck in this type of position. My people say 'big man big palava'.

Na true you talk, my broda. Sometimes, it's good to be poor. The poor man does not have the rich man's headache.

True, but remember, the poor man doesn't have the rich man's bank account either.

Chei, am dying of laughter.

Rather than dying of laughter, why not die for your country as Obasanjo suggested?

Yes, right after I attend Obasanjo's funeral.