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ibnaija@yahoo.com Political Scientist USA

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MY MANSION IN POTOMAC, MD 20854

otomac, Maryland, a city of 44,822 (2000 US Census) is the 12th most expensive city in the US with properties as expensive as $1.5 million, $3 million, $5 million and upwards of $8 million. It's also a city with the highest income amongst cities of 30,000 or more population in the country.

1212 Poornaijaman Street, Potomac, MD 20854

In this waterfront city that sits on the Potomac River just a stone throw from the most powerful capital in the world, Washington DC, one would find all manners of well-heeled, high-rolling professionals, businessmen and women, CEOs of fortune 500 companies, surgeons, professional athletes, world acclaimed lawyers and engineers, powerful Washington politicians and lobbyists, World Bank executives and an assortment of society's privileged. This is one city that does not need financial assistance as it swills millions of dollars from property taxes alone. A cursory glance of a list of past and present residents of this City of Eldorado would reveal its viability and vibrancy.

Such names, include but not limited to members of the Marriott hotel family, Washington Capitals (hockey) forward, Jeff Halpern, ABC's high-profile broadcaster, Ted Koppel, of Nightline fame, Queen Noor and the late King Hussein of Jordan, Redskins owner, Dan Snyder, former New York Knicks basketball player, Patrick Ewing, television producer and creator of Sex and the City, Darren Star, Wimbledon winning tennis player, Pete Sampras, Special Olympics founder, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, broadcast journalist and First Lady of California, Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger, writer and photographer, Deborah Copaken Kogan, boxers Mike Tyson and Sugar Ray Leonard, and the world renowned philanthropist, Brian Schwartz.

The average median income for this city is $128,936, and the median income for a family is $142,472, thus, making the city effectively off limits to the average American. But interestingly, not to the Nigerian politicians, governors, vice president, good-for-nothing special advisers and do-nothing-tea-drinking ministers all of whom make less than the average American, but who have found this zip code 20854, very appealing and have never lacked the cash to gulp up properties. The roll call for Nigerian politicians, who own houses and choice properties in Potomac or its surroundings, is ever increasing. The dreams of real estate agents in this city are coming true, as they grow fat from the closing cost, commissions and huge bonuses received from Nigerian politicians with their buying frenzy. Thus far, the vice president, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, can confidently put his name amongst the elite list of present residents with his purchase of a $1.7 million property in the plush part of town. His house is an architectural wonder with its likeness to that of the White House, the official home of the US president. At first, when the news broke, the vice president displayed his Nigerian nature with his veracious denial, but later, in the face of irrefutable evidence, was forced to accept the truth.

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His neighbors in the general vicinity are equally corrupt, greedy and money laundering Nigerian politicians in the likeness of DSP Alamieyeseigha, Governor of Bayelsa, whose so-called modest house, a two-storey building, cost Bayesians, a whooping sum of $900,000. This sum is far less than the cost of his daughter's house in Whittier, California, which she sold for $1.7 million upon graduation from college and before her departure to Nigeria to tend to the "family business" of advance looting. It should be recalled that the same governor owns a home in Washington (state) for which he paid $4 million and another in London that cost Bayesians millions of pounds. Not to be outdone, the young and exuberant governor of Abia reminded everyone of his financial prowess with his own hefty Potomac acquisition.

In an attempt to acquire more frequent flyer mileage, the Potomac bug traveled far to Kogi State in 2000 and specifically, the Government House, and bit the former governor (1999-2003) of that state. Many would remember Prince Abubakar Audu who looted his state's treasury bare and only left the sum of N500, 000 for his successor as stated in the Sunday Sun, August 29, 2004. The situation was so bad that his successor was quite surprised to find the said sum given the voracity with which Audu pounced on the treasury and on every kobo that came from Abuja. Audu's successor claimed that Audu wasn't aware of the existence of the said sum otherwise would have gulped it as well. With the wisdom of a rogue in robes, Audu made sure that his stolen funds were well invested with a handsome purchase of a $1.7 million edifice in zip code 20854 in 2000.

In the fulfillment of his Nigerian nature, the governor denied ownership, but as in the case of the vice president, was forced to accept the truth when legal papers were presented to counter his denials. Today, Audu is breathing the air of freedom, even without immunity and enjoying his loot while his state suffers with no development and sustainable infrastructures since its creation from the old Kwara State. Audu left a legacy of non-performance, massive corruption and ineptitude. For four years, he siphoned billions out of the state and no one batted an eyelid. In fact, as reported, the state is currently in the red by N63 billion, the National University Commission recently closed the state university because of its inability to meet minimum standards. Students of the university were told to transfer to other institutions or wait until such time when the state can afford to fund it properly. But Audu, the man responsible for this gross negligence and corruption, still remains free, claiming that he acquired his wealth before he ascended the Kogi throne, the same reason, all current governors are giving, even the ones that never owned a brick and lived in boy quarters before moving to government house.

In all of these, let us not forget my own choice property in the same zip code, 20854 before overzealous journalists reveal it in a tell-all story. In my innate jealousy in not wanting Nigerian politicians to have all the fun in acquiring properties, I decided to get one for myself. Haba! I too wanted to join the famous list of present residents of this City of Eldorado, wouldn't you? With money in the bank, I went to Potomac to shop for a modest mansion and landed this vintage, colonial edifice with high-arching cathedral ceiling as seen in the picture. I was told it was build from special high-grade materials of red earth and straws.

According to the real estate experts and architects, I consulted, this combination is said to last longer and can withstand an assortment of weather-related disasters. It would even withstand, I was told, the forces of a hurricane such as Katrina. As they say, do not judge a book by its cover; it's truly a mansion with all the characteristics of one. In fact, it parades seven-bedrooms, four full pit toilets dug around the house in strategic locations. Again, I was told it's the new fad and other highly priced houses (in the neighborhood) would soon be following this pattern. Behind the building, not pictured, is an Olympic sized swimming pool, with a relaxing area that holds about fifty guests. Hardly seen in the picture is a three-bedroom boys-quarters, with a parlor as big as the swimming pool.

The villa itself is divided into two levels, not easily seen by a casual look. In fact, one would need special binoculars to see this. The first level has the living room and the family room, pantry, storage and a kitchen that would make Martha Stewart green with envy. The first level also features the self-contained guest quarters with its own private pit toilet and a shower in the next zip code. Once again, I was told, this is the new environmentally friendly fad and will allow my guests to know the area very well as they travel to take their showers. Just to the right of the swimming pool, again, not easily seen by the bare eyes, is a garden to plant a variety of fruits.

The second level has seven-bedrooms, a private study, a weight room and powder room. Covered by the nice luscious brushes that beautifully spread the front of the mansion, are the five-car garage and a small basketball court. The mansion, unlike those purchased by Atiku, Kalu, Alamieyeseigha and Audu, comes complete with a well-suited armed watchman (or a gateman if you will - don't worry, the gate is an invisible one and can only be seen by the gateman) as seen in the picture. As also seen clearly in the picture, the watchman is not even a Nigerian who can be bribed easily by assassins to gain entrance, he is one of the well-trusted and highly-paid/sought watchmen in the country.

The basement is a new architectural wonder, one that has never been seen before. Even the best architects marvel at this wonder. But in the interest of modesty, it will be wise not to discuss this marvel to forestall a spirit of jealousy and envy amongst Nigerians. Already, I have divulged too much about this mansion. In all reality, I too now own a mansion in the famous Potomac, the main attraction for Nigerian politicians. You will agree that the edifice is the epitome of modesty which Nigerian leaders do not know. But unlike the mansions bought by the personalities above, this mansion (my own) located at 1212 Poornaijaman Street, Potomac, MD 20854 was bought with sweat and hardwork, not with the money of the great people of Rivers, my beloved state or from estacode from frivolous and meaningless foreign trips. It was bought with personal funds; the documents are there in City Hall for all who wish to see.