ho is at the door?
It is me Goodluck!
Goodluck? I was not expecting anyone by that name.
I informed the Israeli government that I will come and see you.
I am not subject to the laws or jurisdiction of the Israeli government
Sorry to ask, I thought you live here?
I live here and there and there and everywhere.
That means you have homes around the world like I am trying to do?
I do not live in homes made with mortar and bricks, that is for man.
I live in Aso Rock.
Aso Rock is a temporary abode.
I want to live there for another four years, maybe even forever.
You cannot live there for ever, and you know I can call you out anytime.
That is why I came. I want to live long to enjoy life, enjoy Aso Rock, rule for another four years, perhaps ten or twenty more years, and….
Stop! You want to rule for another twenty years? Why do you want to rule for that long?
I told you, I like it at Aso Rock and Patience is happy there and enjoying herself.
But you have only talked about yourself. How about the people, the undergraduates and their universities, the university teachers, the doctors, the civil society, the nation?
They are my problem. They won't let me be, they won't cooperate with me. I came to pray so that they will do whatever I tell them and stop antagonizing me.
So you came here to ask for spiritual power to deal with them?
I want to silence them altogether. I want a special power to control the nation.
But you left the nation on fire to come here?
It was not exactly on fire when I left.
Are you sure? Do you want me to disbelieve what I saw and what my angels reported?
Well, I mean it was just the university teachers.
The university teachers? What about the university teachers?
They want more money?
Weeeell…you see, it is for their universities. They signed an agreement in 2009 and now they want government to live up to that agreement.
They signed an agreement in 2009 did you say? Were you not part of that agreement, part of the government that signed that 2009 agreement?
Yeah, partly true…something like that.
You don't live up to your name, my boy.
I am trying my best sir. My name has brought them so many good luck since I took office.
How about the repeated bad luck of plane disasters? The Okusanyas are dead, great guys, father and son. Those are bad luck for sure!
Those are unfortunate, but the useless airlines are responsible for that.
The airlines are responsible for that? How about Stella, what was she doing?
Stella is trying very hard, she is doing her best. She is a strong and dependable supporter and she's our neighbour to neighbour champion. I have even suspended her to please her haters.
You suspended her and still brought her here? You really don't mean to remove her, do you?
The suspension is enough in my eyes though I am very angry she was careless enough to allow the details of her business to be leaked to the world.
The bullet-proof car business?
Yes, the bullet-proof cars. Just two cars and the whole nation is making so much noise. I have a fleet of limousines and SUVs and aircrafts and…
And what do the people have?
I bought buses for mass transit last year for the capital city and plan to build rail lines across the nation, but that project will take eight, ten years, or even twenty years more to complete, and that is why I need more years to keep my post.
So you came here to pray and to ask for higher power to deal with the people, and also remain in your post forever?
Not forever, just for more time to finish the work I started.
And you think prayer alone is all you need to achieve all that?
Yes sir, I came here to pray.
You came to pray, but I have only seen you playing the tourist, cutting cake, joking and laughing, battering with the governors you came with, and none of them is fit to sit on the right or left hand of my son, not even you.
Sir, the two men who sat on the either side of your son were thieves.
But they were petty thieves compared to the men who came with you.
But how about me?
What about you?
I want to sit on the right hand of your son.
Are you sure you want to sit on the right hand of my son?
Yes sir, I want to sit on the right hand of your son.
But you cannot do a fraction of what my son did and you cannot pay the price nor give yourself as sacrifice. Except you return the loot and the oil blocks, put away the wine and step aside like the other marauder in Minna, you will not see my kingdom.
I want to see your kingdom. Let me rule and enjoy this nation and I will repent and return to enter your kingdom.
If I understand you very well, you came here to buy more time to enable you please yourself and this is just another sight-seeing pilgrimage?
I have to show the people that I am a good Christian you know; go on holy pilgrimage, pray at the chapel, act religious and talk like one. It is all politics and I hope all the Christian South will vote for me in 2015. It is all a game.
Game, it is all a game to you? The hopelessness, poverty and joblessness of the youth, lockdown of universities and hospitals, diseases, and hunger in the nation is all a game for you? I have blessed that nation with so much to make their lives easy and to ensure they live well and eat well, but they live in poverty due to no fault of theirs and you see all this as a game?
I do not mean it like that. I love the people, they are my people. I will fix everything during my second, third, forth or even fifth term.
Did you ever expect to get a single term in your wildest dream, in your whole life?
Ah, not at all. Never thought I could ever get that far.
Now that you have come that far?
I need more time. I will fix everything, I promise. I will build new universities, rebuild old ones, develop the nation very well.
With what? Where will you get the money to do all that?
We are still selling oil and finding new oil wells. Our only problems are the oil thieves and illegal oil rogues.
Those are petty thieves.
But they steal hundreds and thousands of crude oil.
Nothing compared to the stolen oil blocks in the hands of official thieves.
The oil blocks you talk about were allocated to those people.
But at what price and at what benefit to the people? You know I know all the facts, how the oil blocks were shared and the shady deals relating to the gas payments. The treasury is in red, the account is in very bad shape.
We still have many more oil wells and a lot of gas. I will let the big multinationals bid for more oil blocks this time and we'll get more money to develop and make the people happy.
It is not you who will do that. I have decided to let you return home and you must return and put your house in order, and be ready for my visit.
You plan to visit me at the villa?
I will not touch your villa. I do not wish to be corrupted and do not wish to lose my integrity before some of your errand boys proceed to fill my trunk with filthy lucre and then claim that I was paid facilitation and travel allowance. The time is now and I have asked the angels to rein in and end your dystopia. Leave now, the angels are on their way.