"And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matt 19:5-6
he injunction here, not to put 'the marriage asunder 'is not necessarily for outsiders but shareholder and stakeholder in the marriage! The divorce rate in the body of Christ is growing everyday. The Hollywood celebrities that have the notoriety of quick divorce and re- marriage are doing everything to keep pace with the divorce rate in the church. It is as if the church is competing with the unbeliever in this ignoble venture. Let us put a stop to it.
Listen to me, did the bible not clearly say offence shall come! The fact that your spouse offended you is not an excuse for divorce. Did the bible not warn against fornication and adultery? Then that is already factored in though not encouraged. Did the bible not warn against hardness of heart?
Why do we take pleasure in doing what God hates and think it will not have consequences? God says 'I hate divorce' -Malachi 2:16
"For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.Matt 19:12,
Christianity is a call to a higher standard of living. To find out, ask your neighbour who is an unbeliever. S/He will tell you the level of responsibility expected from a Christian. Rather than living a life short of scriptural standard as far as marriage is concerned, God says in the bible passage quoted above that you have the option of making yourself an eunuch. In other words, practice celibacy, the like of life Apostle Paul lived.
On this matter as a whole, here is what the Holy Spirit impressed on me.
Salvage your marriage, do not damage your marriage. Salvage your marriage and don't throw away your marriage on flimsy excuses.
Look inwards, discover your own faults and ask God for the grace to be humble enough to admit and correct them. Stop focusing on the faults of your spouse .You are suppose to be helpmates to one another not hunt-mates. Eccl 4:8,12.
Stop putting emphasis of repair and correction on your partner only, it takes two to tango.
Marriage is not about trial and error, it is a life full of errors but solvable errors. Courtship and dating period are your trial and error days. At that point you can use your eraser to wipe out. The day you said ' I do ' you committed yourself a life of marital investment. Any successful investment commands and demands high level of sacrifice for it to succeed. Your own cannot be different, do not back out.
Marriage is not a contract, or purchase of goods or items which you can buy and if discovered that it is not functioning well, you can return to the seller. God's perspective is that Marriage is a covenant whereby irrespective of the other person's fault, you maintain your part of the covenant.
Tolerance, endurance, patience, long suffering, forbearance, forgiveness, consideration, love, prayer, submission, fellowship and compromise are key elements of marriage. In case you don't have them, you can get to buy them without money (Isaiah 55:1) they are available by the power of the Holy Spirit as you read and apply the bible to your marriage.
Walter Trobisch said - 'love is a feeling to be learnt.' You go to school to learn engineering, accountancy and the rest. The church is the place to learn principles of marriage, home building, how to love your wife, how to submit to your husband, how to raise your children, how to relate with your in-laws, how to live well in your neighbourhood. Attend the Church regularly and be a good example of a believer, not a bad smelling egg.
Before you divorce your spouse, think twice on the consequences of what you are embarking upon. One of such is that you are initiating generational curses upon your coming generation because you are laying an evil foundation. Another is the untold innumerable and uncountable problems, difficulties, and challenges you are launching yourself and your children into.
Note this, divorce is not a solution to character, spiritual, physical, financial or spiritual issue, It is a diversion. It is a postponement and creation of many more complex problems. So solve the problem you are facing now. It is only a dry fish that is difficult to bend. The problem or challenge you have now is a fresh fish which by God's grace and a little sense of responsibility you can eventually solve.
There are marriage killers in every marriage, just like in every or many homes there are cockroaches, mice, rodents, spiders and their cobwebs. You don't abandon your house because of them, you only have to kill them. So kill the marriage killers in your home - anger, infidelity, lack of communication, incompatibility, abnormal behaviour, drunkenness, inappropriate behaviours, prayerlessness, lying, lack of respect and confidentiality for one another, mismanagement of funds, indiscretion, laziness, indolence, insolvency and your peculiar pecuniaries.
There is something called change. Change has never being permanent. Don't tell your spouse that is the way you were born, that is the way you were wired, that is the way everybody does it in your previous family. No! What your spouse is complaining or 'nagging' about is hurting him/her. The fowl has never and will never enjoy a knife on its neck, nobody does! So make every effort to change in order to please God and your spouse. The Holy Spirit is not only about speaking in tongues in the church but to generate power for you to make a change that will be profitable for you especially in your marriage. The Holy Spirt in this generation does not just tap your head and go, the Holy Spirit indwells. There is a power in you to make the necessary changes. Incubate it, exercise it and release it for the use of your marriage. The Holy Spirit changed Moses, David, Peter, Paul, Amos Dada, he can change you. Get the application on your knees, it is not online or on FB or other social media - Rom 8. 26.
Before you forward this write up to that sister/brother you think will definitely benefit from it, apply it first to yourself. This word is not like a cutlass, but it is a sword that has two edges - one for the reader and the other for the one unto whom it is sent.
In conclusion, if you have divorced, go and make amends. If you are in the process of divorce, stop it! Even if it is already in the court you can stop it. If you have not divorced, don't go that route. If you are not yet married don't rush into it because you are not allowed to rush out. Pay the price for a successful marriage no matter how costly.
At the marriage of the Lamb, may you not be found wanting, and may you not be ashamed at the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ - the bridegroom of the Church.