FEATURE ARTICLE

Fr Pat Amobi ChukwumaTuesday, June 20, 2017
amobipchuks@yahoo.com


LIVING ARTIFICIAL LIFE

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ome time ago, I was travelling by bus from Awka to Onitsha. Along the route, a lady passenger in the bus signaled to the bus conductor that she would be disembarking at the next bus-stop. The conductor informed the driver accordingly. Immediately we reached the bus-stop, the driver hastily marched on the break and there was a loud noise from the wheels' apartment. The lady hurried out of the bus. Accidentally, a hook at the uppermost lintel of the bus door caught on her well dressed artificial hair. She jumped down from the bus but the artificial hair stocked on the bus door. Unfortunately, the lady's head was shinning like the moon because her natural hairs have all fallen away. Out of shame she covered her face with her two hands while the passengers in the bus including my humble person started laughing to the highest degree. Indeed it was a live drama. The conductor amusedly asked the lady to come and collect her missing artificial hair. The lady cursed him with her five fingers and ran away shamefully. The conductor collected the bunch of artificial hair from the hook and put it for sale before the ladies inside the bus. Nobody prized it as laughter was still pushing everybody down. At last the conductor put the artificial hair on his own head and he started behaving like a lady conductor. The head was like a woman but the voice was that of a man. On reaching Onitsha, the conductor threw the artificial hair amidst some ladies standing in a circle and gossiping to one another. Out of fear of the unknown, they ran away in different directions as if it was a bomb. I heard one shouting, "Blood of Jesus, cover me!" The other was shouting, "Back to sender!" Another one out of fear urinated on her skirt.

Few days ago sad news filtered in from Mozambique that five bald men have been brutally killed in that country. Do you know what? It is believed in that country that there are pieces of gold inside the brain of men and women with bald head. That is, those whose head hairs have fallen away. To be on a safer side, since the world is a global village, I advise all men and women in Nigeria with bald head (isi nkwocha) to put on artificial hairs always. Please never travel without putting on the artificial hairs. To be alert is not cowardice. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. A corpse does not give account of the cause of its death. Personally I have booked two sets of artificial head hairs to keep standby in case I become bald overnight. Since the hairs fall away without consultation, let us eat a lot of fruits to keep them blooming. Some of us are putting on artificial black head hairs courtesy of dye. Let us beware of the type of dye we apply because highly bad chemical concentrated dye can cause both your hairs and yourself to die. What is the difference between dye and die? Do the two words not have similar sound? A person applying dye is already dying because his or her hairs are already dying by turning into white.

After transacting a little business at Upper Iweka in Onitsha, I trekked over the Niger Bridge to Asaba for sight-seeing. As I was leisurely walking, I came across a neatly dressed lady with long hair. She was hitting her weaved artificial hair with the centre finger about seven times with her mouth wide open. I stopped abruptly to watch her. I laughed and said loudly, "Attack has come from the dead who owes the artificial hair." I shook my head and continued the trekking. Along the Asaba end of the Bridge I met another lady hitting her attached artificial hair in the same manner as the first. I laughed again and coughed artificially. The lady glanced at me and said, "Mr. Man, wetin concern you? Stop looking at me." I walked away faster before she raises false alarm that could put me into trouble. As I was going, I was cogitating why many ladies with artificial hairs normally hit those hairs with the centre finger from time to time. Those artificial attached hairs probably belong to dead white women. These foreign artificial hairs come from Brazil, Italy, Germany, France, Switzerland, etc. They are costly. If I were a woman, I would grow my natural hairs and avoid attaching the artificial hairs which causes frequent demonic attacks.

Many women live artificial lives. They scrap off the natural eyebrows with razor blade sand draw their desired ones with eye pencil. When you come into the midst of young ladies, just glance at their eyebrows. They are of different shapes. Some take the form of scorpion, cockroach, spider, earthworm, etc. Some draw perpendicular lines as eyebrows. Why do such ladies prefer artificial eyebrows to natural ones? One of the ladies was shaving the natural eyebrows and mistakenly cut deep into her skin. She cut the vein that supplies blood to her eyes. As a result, her eyes couldn't function again. All medical efforts to repair the vein were in vain. At last she went blind. She cried for over a year for what she caused herself by trying to shave the God-given eyebrows to put on artificial ones. At a time she attempted committing suicide but was prevented on time. My people ironically refer to a person who shaves the eyebrows as a shameless person.

The eyelashes are like window protectors. They protect the eyes from unjust aggressors entering the eyes. God is wonderful. But in their quest to live artificial lives, some women blame God for not giving them longer eyelashes. Hence they attach long artificial eyelashes and suppress the natural ones. What is the function of the artificial eyelashes? A chemical is used to attach them on top of the natural ones. One lady in the process of attaching the artificial eyelashes had the chemical splashed into one of her eyes. The dangerous chemical caused that eye to shrink. The ophthalmologists tried all they could to save the eye but it was fruitless. Eventually the lady lost the eye permanently. Now she is one-eyed lady courtesy of artificial eyelashes attachment chemical side effect.

Have you heard that there was the story of a lady whose mother was gravely sick? The sick poor woman needed about a hundred thousand naira for her medical treatment in a specialist hospital. She had an only daughter who was married. She asked her daughter to help her actualize the big sum of money for her medical treatment. Her daughter asked her to exercise patience for some time. Instead of coming to the aid of her sick mother financially, she imported three sets of artificial finger nails from Jamaica, India and Switzerland costing one hundred thousand each set. Having satisfied her artificial ambition, she began to make plans how to provide the money in question for her mother's ailment. Before she could afford the money, her mother died. She cried regrettably for her preferring artificial finger nails to her mother's health. Is this lady not morally responsible for her mother's death? Many women today wear artificial costly finger nails. Did not the Creator endow them with natural finger nails? After attaching the artificial finger nails their fingers appear like that of lions and leopards seeking for someone to devour. Some of the artificial finger nails can cause cancer.

I shook my head when I heard that there are artificial buttocks, penis, vagina and breasts for sale in sex shops. The Church teaches Natural Family Planning but our society is teaching Artificial Family Planning. Many artificial objects and methods are now applied in sexuality. Some men undergo plastic surgery in order to become artificial women. Some women do likewise to become artificial men. By so doing they are injected with artificial male or female hormones which must be maintained from time to time. Some men and women use bleaching chemicals to erase their black complexion to have artificial yellow or red colour. Some succeed in having Fanta face and Coca Cola leg (ihu fanta, okpa coke). I am not a righteous man, but I have to ask this question: What is our world turning into? Where are we heading to? God created and man is now recreating. Man is challenging his Creator. Are we able to face the wrath of God?

Many women are today products of make-ups. In a section of their rooms is hung a big standing mirror and a shelve containing assorted make-up materials and chemicals. These women have become painters without undergoing apprenticeship. They sit for hours before the mirror making fashion drawings on their face. Please if you want to go out with your wife, your sister or your girlfriend, inform her on time and give her at least one hour to paint her face. Some of them after the painting look like masquerades, ghosts or native doctors. But there are some who look artificially beautiful but naturally ugly. Beautiful ones look more beautiful. If you want to know how beautiful or ugly a woman is, do so when she wakes up from early morning sleep. But after making up she becomes something else. Women please do not be annoyed with me. I am just making some researches. I do not blame you because God himself moulded men from the mud of the earth and fashioned women with the single rib he extracted from the side of men. That is why some women take up 'Fashion' as their nickname. If you see any man having 'Fashion' as his nickname, either he is a moron or a loafer.

Living the life of pretence is also living artificial life. Some of us pretend to be good while we are devil incarnate. The other time I wrote on "Wolves in sheep's clothing." Are you are wolf or a sheep. One cannot be both at the same time. Either you are hot or cold. You can either be honest or dishonest. Have you seen a person who is tall and short at the same time? A certain dwarf man was engaged in marriage with a very tall lady. On their wedding day the short man carved a long wood as shoe to meet up with the height of his wife. He sewed a pair of long trouser that covered everything. Throughout the wedding ceremony he was walking slowly like a millipede. After the church service they went out in procession for photographs at the main entrance steps. As the just-wedded couple posed for picture, the photographer shouted, "Steady! Smile! One, two and three!" Instantly the dwarf turned artificial tall husband was not steady. He missed steps and fell unexpectedly like a tree eaten by moths. The wedding invitees rallied round to rush him to a nearby hospital, since he was seriously wounded by the concrete entrance steps. As they were about to put him into a waiting vehicle, they noticed the long wood he carved as shoe, almost three feet long like 'Izaga' masquerade. They couldn't control their laughter. He grew artificially tall overnight and was disgraced publicly. Living artificial life does not pay. Hypocrisy is artificiality.

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