FEATURE ARTICLE

Archbishop Gloria GraceSunday, September 14, 2014
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USA

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TO YOUR FRIENDS

AN APPEAL TO PASTOR CHRIS OYAKLOME

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astor Chris, I am writing you openly because, I don't know how else to reach you privately. I pray you see and read this message.

It is with great sadness of heart many in the Body of Christ are seeing or hearing what is going on in your family. It has been all over the news, and recently, you made a statement concerning the situation. We will return on your statement.

I don't know about now, but I believed that you were very close to the heart of God and surrendered all things to Him. You fell at His feet and want Him to use you, all of your total being. He favored you. He gave you unlimited possibilities, resources and made you one of the generals of our time. He gave you a beautiful wife and children and great people to assist you in the ministry. These are all divine favor.

Pastor Chris, I read on the news that Reverend Anita have been away from you for the past sixteen years, pastoring the UK branch of the ministry, expanding that area, planting more Churches. On the other hand, you continue with the Lord's work in Nigeria and expanded unto South Africa where you eventually moved. Yet she remained in UK with the children to maintain the work there. That seemed like a great strategic plan for a couple who are expanding the kingdom of God. The question however is: How has this separation impacted your family, your heartbeat apart from God.

In your statement, you fully downsized Pastor Anita as unequal to you, while you are a man of God, handpicked by God, who (probably) cannot sin. You also said that, that someone is the wife of a man of God does not make her a woman of God. Reverend Anita is in charge of the ministry in UK, she is a woman of God, Pastor Chris. With her, the ministry did not crash, or go into disgrace. With fear of God, she handled the portion of the work assigned to her reverently and with all humility. According to one of the members of the Church in UK, she drove one and half hour to church each day, and it was only when they persuaded her that she drove the car the church bought for her. God will judge her faithfulness or unfaithfulness if He found her unfaithful. She raised your two beautiful daughters when you were busy with the work of God in other parts of the world. She also raised many sons and daughters in the Kingdom of God while pastoring the church and planting more branch Churches in UK.

Pastor Chris, she is your equal joint heir of the manifold grace of God. Yea, you are the head of the household and she is to submit to you. I will say what the Lord told me about headship in a home when He gave me a book to write. The book is titled: Revisiting the Foundation of Marriage: Embracing Divine Principles for a Successful Marriage. The Holy Spirit woke me up one Night and began to give me these principles. I will mention only two:

  1. A husband never gets too tired of listening to his wife, no matter how tired he is and wants to rest. He has to pay attention to her at all times, and take care of her emotional and over all wellbeing. He said to me that Christ loved the Church so much that He died for her. He never gets tired of listening to our prayers or reaching out to us. The Bible called a woman a weaker vessel, and the Lord God asked the husbands to give honor unto her as unto the weaker vessels so that your prayers be not hindered: Ye husbands, in like manner, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life; to the end that your prayers be not hindered (1 Peter 3: 7)

  2. A husband never exposes his wife's nakedness to the world, or even to her. God equipped you, the man (the husband) with so much strength and wisdom to provide for her and to cover her weaknesses before her and before the world. We (the Church) were wretched, naked, condemned to Hell. Jesus took our place on the cross and gave Himself for us. With His righteousness, He covered our nakedness and weaknesses. His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. He clothed us with His whole armor, gave us His Holy Spirit to help us and continues to wash and sanctify us daily with the pure water of His Holy Word. He gave us everything He as the King of kings and the Lord of lords owns.

Marriage among other things, is for companionship, sexual purity and for producing godly seed (refer to my book for more on this). It is never for separation at all. If there is any separation to ever happen in marriage, it is so that both you and your wife can give yourselves in to prayers and fasting; after wards, come together again lest the devil tempt you for your incontinency. Let's read it:

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (1 Corinthians 7: 5 KJV). Another translation says:

Do not withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so just for a set time, in order to devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should come together again so that Satan does not tempt you through your lack of self-control (ISV).

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband (1 Corinthians 7: 3)

What went wrong is that she has been out of your life for sixteen years. You have probably been visiting them once in a while, but your wife needs you there on the dinner table with the family, in bed, the children want daddy to give them a hug, and be there for them. The bond that held you together was eroded because of the distance. Ministry took you from her and the children. She was deeply wounded and because her cover, her glory was not there she might have lost some self-confidence, the confidence only you would give her. She might have also lost some self-esteem and always wished she would be one of those members of the Church whose husbands were always by their sides and they minister alongside each other. What about Christmas (es), Thanksgiving dinner times, and some holidays. You could say it does not matter. Every bit of time you spent with her matters a lot to her and the children. Your presence covers them and gives them sense of wholeness. It fulfils them. It would have been much better if you had stayed together whether in Nigeria or South Africa and minister alongside each other.

Pastor Chris, she could walk into your office and see your secretary and other assistants, and needed your attention but could not get her privacy with you. She never saw herself again as number one in your eyes. Probably someone seem to be doing better in the ministry than her in your eyes, and she felt put aside, because such a person has your attention better than her. If such a person or people are ladies or even married women, they will start looking down on her because they feel her husband does not esteem her. They can talk carelessly to her, after all, her husband does not value her (they could think). The value you place upon your wife is what will give her honor before people. If she is a piece of trash before you, that's how people will try to talk to her, and treat her.

Benny Hinn for example was living with his wife, but married to the ministry. He was emotionally absent from his family to the point that his wife was so deep in depression that she had to turn to anti-depressant medication for help for fifteen years. Even though she shared the same bed with her husband, yet he never understood how deeply hurt she was. There was no emotional connection. The situation also affected his children to the point that his firstborn became rebellious and started moving with bad friends, but the Lord touched her. As a result of his deep commitment to the ministry at the expense of his family, the wife had to file for divorce. He never understood that he was emotionally absent from her and from his family. Probably, when she needed some privacy with her husband, ministerial partners were there and she felt put aside, too. It took toll on her and her behavior became irrational, at times.

However, after being alone for two to three years, he learnt the lesson of his mistakes. He was married to the ministry at the expense of his wife and children. He realized he still needed his wife. Thank God for the Press people who watched him closely and not letting someone else step into his life in place of his wife (without blowing their trumpets), until he recognized from where he missed it and returned to his wife. They are remarried, fully restored and healed. He has given her, her place in his life. All the children are happy and the ministry is moving on. He never lost the ministry because he brought the wife to her proper place in life. Now, he takes time out of his busy ministerial schedules with his family each time.

One day, Creflo Dollar was heading for a speaking engagement with his wife and children. His wife was giving him some silent treatment: "yeeeessss!!!! Okayyyyy!!!! She was doing it in front of the children. He could not handle the situation. He re-routed his car and went home to go and fix whatever it was with her. The engagement? He answered: "Let me deal with my own family situation first before preaching to others"? What was he going to preach, he reasoned, when his wife was hurting? The Lord Jesus said: Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift (Matthew 5:23-24 KJV)

Pastor Chris, as your wife's cover, she needs you now in these times of her distresses to emotionally support and comfort her. Please, return to her and your children and make things right. The world is watching. Your taking this right step will speak well and help struggling couples do the same. God bless and strengthen you to do His will in this situation in Jesus name.

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