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anniebrisibe@yahoo.com Woodbury, MN, USA

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CALL ME A WOMAN: AND I WILL SHOW YOU MY Y CHROMOSOME

etunde you have to stop crying. What makes you think having a male child is your responsibility. After all you don't carry the male chromosome (Y) your husband does. Why should the blame be on you? Chika asked Yetunde. I don't know! Cried Yetunde, my mother in-law has threatened to kick me out of the house if I don't give her and her son a male child. My husband has also threatened several times to have affairs if I don't give him a male child. This husband of yours Yetunde, I want to believe is the same Dr. Femi Kalu, a medical doctor threatening to abuse your marriage and reduce you to nothing because you both don't have a male child? A visibly upset Ngozi blurted out. Your husband, my sister must be out of his insane mind. The man is ludicrous; there must be something wrong with his mind. I wonder where he got his stupid medical degree from. The women were obviously angry and are ready to tear Yetunde's arrogant husband apart.

What in the world is wrong with some men, I can't keep quiet any more shouted Mieibi. That was how my husband and his ignorant mother threatened my poor life day in day out that if I keep having female children my marriage is over. You know what though; the stupid woman didn't even know that I was only managing her dislocated son who couldn't even have an erection. The idiot who used me as a punching bag for years, pouring all of his impotent frustrations on me couldn't even function. At first he made it look like I was the one with the problem, but every time was the same he hardly had an erection. Then the Viagra addicted moron would say "look, why can't you make me feel horny, every time we start this; you act like you are afraid of something." Indeed, men they always think we are stupid. I told him straight up, look my friend STOP RIGHT NOW.

He later confessed to his inability to function. It took years of medical treatment and continuous support from me before we could even have the two daughters that we have. The man takes Viagra like his entire life depends on it.well it does if you think of it. We kept the whole incident quiet for years, while some unprogressive, low life imbeciles gossiped around that I couldn't have a child. Shai! My sisters my life was hell. His mum called me barren, his sisters called me "ashawo." You know what though none of his married sisters have male children, yet no one called them names. Women we've suffered.

The tension and temperature in the room was rising as fast as the thermometer could read. The women were pacing back and forth. Aisha had sent text messages to all the women to meet at her place for a meeting and to see what can be done to relieve the pressure and torment their friend Yetunde was going through at the hands of her husband and his family.

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You know what I don't understand, cried Ngozi. Why is it that women are faulted for everything in the world? To bear a male child which we genetically don't have is our responsibility, your husband's success or failure at work is your responsibility, your husband's insults and aggression is your responsibility, your husband's lack of love for self and others is your responsibility, your husband's philandering is your responsibility, your husband's lies is your responsibility, your husband's stinginess and greed is your responsibility, but you know what is worse of all, your husband's death is your responsibility. However, your death as a woman is an unfortunate incidence and pity is taken on the man. Every body cries for his pain but not your death. Yet when a woman stands up for what she feels is unjust, she is termed rude and aggressive. Called names and sent packing. You know what the language is when the men send their wives packing "leave my house and go to your mother". Even our mothers are insulted by these nincompoops.

Lord have mercy, Ngozi continued when in the world would men and some ignorant parents really accept that every child is good boy or girl. After all there are people with ten male children, yet all of them are trouble. People have females that today are the brains and keepers of the family structure. You don't have to be a president for you to be great. Every boy or girl strives to do well in life or so I think. You know the question I always ask my male friends, what? The women asked Ngozi, how a man would feel if tomorrow some body walks up to him and says your daughter is a girl and for that reason she is not capable of growth, she can't achieve because she is a girl. How would they feel? What really hurts me the most, you see some of our husbands treating us as house maids, whereas they go to work and answer Yes ma, to women who are their bosses or higher in position. At home, it's a different ball game. It's tiring and no woman should tolerate these abuses.

All the while my friends spoke, I listened. At last I said Yetunde, from the bottom of your heart what and how do you feel about all these. I said no woman deserves the kind of treatment your supposedly loved one is lashing out at you. You both married for love and the talk of male or female children was not part of the vows, it was till death do us part. There are couples right now looking for children, wait did I say children a child. Some of them are praying for anything that the good lord can give; anything. The mention of gender all of a sudden does not become an issue. The man and his wife pray to God to please have pity on them and give them a child. Especially when it is the man's fault, the prayer is intensified because of "shame." No one should know that he is unable to have children. However on the out side the woman is the target of ridicule. We human beings are just ungrateful people I said. We always take what we have for granted, especially when it comes so easy to us.

Look Yetunde, I continued, you have to make up your mind and ask yourself if you want to continue in this abusive relationship or find your path. After all your husband does not have an atom of respect or love for his daughters, for him to continue to physically and emotionally abuse you, constantly reminding you of your inability to give him a male child. How do your girls feel about this bickering that goes on non stop?

Annie, I am just at a loss for words right now. I have tried explaining to my daughters that their father loves them, but you know what they are not stupid they hear everything that he says and how he treats me. The girls are so withdrawn, they fear their father. One even cried out to me asking "mama what did we do to daddy that he hates us so much." A child should never feel this way about their parents. Their teachers constantly call the house asking if the girls were okay, because they are so withdrawn at school that their grades have started to suffer. You know what my husband said; without looking at the impact his actions is having on the girls he said "you see you gave my daughters' your coconut family brain." They are just as dull as their mother. Can you believe it, Yetunde lamented. I am so tired of all the abuse, it is killing me. Why should my children suffer for what is not even their fault. Look, this is hard. For the sake of my children I have endured the pain, the disgrace, the embarrassments and the abuse. I am not sure if I can continue with this any more.

Move out and let the bastard roast in his own sperm looking for a male child shouted Mieibi. Don't talk like that demanded Aisha that is not a kind thing to say. Yetunde is our friend and the last thing we want is to see her continue to suffer. Oh yeah! Said Mieibi, don't talk like that, does the idiot of a husband deserve any pity, haven't you been listening to all that have been said here today. The man is insane; he will kill her if she doesn't leave. The signs are there, it is obvious. An educated illiterate who threatens his wife with a machete, and insults his daughters as well as his mother-in-law, that is not a human being that is a beast. Look any man who insults my mother will have his balls castrated. I assure you, that fool hasn't being born yet.

Two weeks after the women gathered at Aisha's place to discuss Yetunde's situation, Yetunde was killed by her husband with a machete. Their daughters' were immediately sent to Yetunde's mother, while her husband boasted To Whom It May Concern that she was rude and deserved to die. No arrest was made, and the doctor lived on. Dr. Kalu remarried two months after his wife's death. Four years after Dr. Kalu got married; he was yet to have a child talk less of a son. In his fifth year of marriage to his second wife, he died of AIDS.