FEATURE ARTICLE


Tolu OdunlamiWednesday, October 15, 2003
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Lagos, Nigeria

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SELL YOUR SOUL FOR A MEAL


he 18th president of the United States of America, Ulysses S. Grant, was a military man who spent a lot of time on his horses. He loved to race through the streets of Washington. One fine afternoon, he was driving his presidential horse and buggy toward the White House when a police officer on patrol, William West, suddenly seized the horse's bridle. West was about to arrest the speeding driver when he realized it was none other than the president. He apologized, but President Grant insisted he receive a speeding ticket by ordering the officer to do his duty. The horse and buggy were impounded and the president continued home on foot.

Integrity-the strict adherence to moral values, principles, and uprightness, is a quality of character that does not consider the status of a person, particular locale of an event, political correctness of an idea, timing of an event nor the obstacles in one's path. It is a state of mind a person attains or doesn't. You can't have integrity in degrees. Neither can you have integrity today and shed it tomorrow, nor can you choose to behave with integrity in one aspect of your life and without it in others. You either have it or you don't. It is a desirable quality in Christians, one we shouldn't even be discussing because it underlies the Christian faith.

I fancied myself a person of integrity and made bold to proclaim the fact to anyone who cared to listen. During the times I spent in church, I noticed that many Christians seem to lack this basic quality. It weighed on my mind. Many of my fellow Nigerians lacking it also brought it to the fore. I became determined to do something about it-write about the need for integrity, teach about it, and hopefully shift focus to it. I didn't always have integrity. I had spent several years of my life bending the rules to suit me and doing things I had no business doing as a Christian. By the grace of God, I had now reached a place where I could take a stand.

Little did I know my integrity could not be trusted until it was tested. I had passed the little tests in the workplace and when the challenges were not so great. Consequently, I thought I was fine. But I guess if I was going to be teaching or writing about integrity, especially from a Godly perspective, He had to be sure I really did have integrity.

In late 2001, I felt God's leading to leave my great job and relocate to America to pursue a writing career. I had never nursed the thought of living permanently in America and there was no indication it was the right time to go: September 11 was still a major issue. I had no legal right to be there because I had a visiting visa. I also had no close relatives in America who could cushion my transition. To crown it, I had no job prospect and America was experiencing its worst economic depression. I had always fancied myself a woman of strong faith because I had dared to believe God for seemingly impossible things in the past, and He always proved Himself.

This experience was totally different however. I was going into the wilderness and the lessons would be harsher than any I had ever experienced, for the basics had to be right if I was to be used by God. I had to run out of money before the lessons could begin. When I had run out of money, completed my first manuscript for a novel, which nobody wanted to read, and had depleted the kindness of friends, the God of shut doors stepped in.

I couldn't afford accommodation so I lived with an aunt. Because she wasn't a Christian she laughed at my faith that God would sort my immigration issues out. She also didn't understand it didn't depend on the authorities knowing what I was doing. I could not take a job because I didn't have a work permit. She offered me the use of her social security number to get an illegal job. I refused. When my six months right of landing expired and I wanted to visit England to avoid overstaying on my visa, she thought I was a spendthrift who didn't understand what illegal immigrants do. I had no intention of becoming an illegal immigrant, but she didn't know that. She pushed, threatened, cajoled, and did everything to get me to do things her way. I stuck to my guns and retained what was important to me. Not surprisingly, it wasn't long before I had to leave her house.

Then I stayed with a 'friend' who also came up with some wonderful idea about some woman in New York who could get me a work permit for three thousand dollars under false pretexts. Although it was attractive, I knew it wasn't an option for me. Through it all, God remained silent even though I expected Him to jump in to help me. I was in the wilderness and didn't even know it. I had to go through the process.

Yet another friend subsequently came up with the ultimate plan: arrange a marriage with an American for the purpose of getting a residence permit. It was the most attractive deal yet because it came with a tall, dark African American who was ready to roll with the permit issue and with me. My friend offered to pay the required five thousand dollars upon a promise to repay him. In his words, that was the only option left. Besides, his brother was considering the same option. My weakness for the tall, dark types must have been well known to the devil because he pulled out all the stops. I prayed and fasted and prayed some more. God remained silent. Nevertheless, I knew the right thing to do: reject the offer. I told my friend integrity wasn't something you shed in the face of difficulty. It is in those extremely trying times that your character is revealed. Snorting, he left me to my idealism thinking I would go hungry.

I applied for a visa extension on the basis that I was still working on my book. Miraculously and against people's prediction, I got it. Besides that, I got nothing else. I had no income, but God kept meeting my needs even though I had to borrow. I cried out to God in pain and tears and sorrow. I reminded Him He it was who asked me to go to America. Then he seemed to open a way. A Christian woman came into my life, offering help. She said God asked her to get a place for me to live and to give me a loan. I thought God had finally heard my prayers until she also asked me to do something underhanded. She is a strong Christian with many years worth of testimonies of miracles God had used her to perform. She got a man to offer me a job and file papers for me. The hitch was I had to lie that I worked for the man's company in Nigeria and help produce a set of false financials in my capacity as an accountant.

I bulked. The woman was adamant. According to her, God had assured her it was the way to go. She quoted scriptures to buttress her point. I knew deep within me it couldn't be right. God's word is clear. She quoted several statistics of how it would be impossible for me to get a work permit any other way and how many people would die for the chance. My point was if God didn't want a work permit for me then I didn't want it either.

I prayed and fasted and prayed some more. God remained silent. I reached into my reserves of depleted strength to tell her no. She flew into a rage, vowing to withdraw her offer of help. We managed to reach a compromise with me agreeing to go along with her. But I never had peace about the decision. Eventually I recanted. For the third time she pushed and pushed until I agreed to go along. This time however, I asked God to please block it if it wasn't His will for me. He answered that prayer promptly.

Then she introduced me to someone hoping we would get married and my immigration issues would be resolved. There was nothing wrong with him. He is a Christian and a good man. Unfortunately, he didn't pass my integrity test among other things. Besides, I couldn't marry a man I didn't see myself ever loving for a meal ticket.

All I had to do was sell my soul. I would have the means to work and recapture some of the comforts of my past life. And here was a Christian elder nudging me along. I was broke, friendless, despised, written off, humiliated, criticized, laughed at, suspected of theft, had my faith and my sanity questioned. According to the way of the world my self-esteem should have been down to zilch. But God's word couldn't have sounded clearer. Problem was I seemed to be the only one hearing Him. It was a lonely, painful, excruciating, and bitter time during which the tears were never far and the hisses were long and pregnant. The doubts came with everybody saying I couldn't have heard God clearly. But I did hear Him. His voice remained clearer than the clamoring of men.

The Lord did not move the mountain. He probably never intended to move it. He said to go to America, but did not say for how long. I assumed it was for a long time. He meant for me to be tested there because the comforts of my life in Nigeria was not conducive for the testing I needed before He could use me. Those who laughed at me then continue to laugh believing that because I didn't stay on in America, I lost.

I know the truth. I came out of the experience triumphant because I held on to the most important aspect of my character-integrity, in the face of the worst odds I probably will ever face. And I didn't sell my soul for an American meal.